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describe the scene and atmosphere of a theme park

describe the scene and atmosphere of a theme park MrwGQ
The feeling of excitement, it tingling inside your heart nonstop, that was how I felt when I was first visiting a theme park with my family. Although this had happened for quite some time, but i can still remember everything so vividly, it was spring back then, everything was so vibrant and jubilant, from the flowers to the people. I can still recall the exact smells of the popcorns that days and just by that I can imaging myself standing right there, in the theme park once again. The decorations of the theme park was different every year, from what I recall the theme from when i went was about “Tet”, a Vietnamese traditional holiday where the park was pack with a variety kinds of flower, my favorite was the apricots, the redness of the flower it exactly how I describe how thrilling I felt on that day, from the color to the scent to the delicacy decorations, everything was just brilliant. Looking back, although my family didn’t do any unique or special activities, we did exactly what a “normal average family” would do for example, having an average picnic, having an average conversation with my mom about the sophistication of the all of the architects surrounding the theme park or about how there are camera everywhere, people must be quick to capture the beauty but for me the averageness of that day is what i adore the most, from a far you can see people queuing to get into the auction, it was just a small auction that selling authentic stuffs, from cloths to accessories but the laughs and the bidding was so loud even from a long distance, you can feel their happinesses and exhilaration. Thinking back about the atmosphere make me falling in love with that day once again, from the loudly laughter to the lovely music from the radio nearby, all the sound and noise composed to turn into a the most loveliest song I have ever heard, the cheerful and colorful atmosphere was imprinted on my mind
The feeling of excitement,
Did you mean "it's tingling", "it is tingling", or "it was tingling"?
it tingling
inside your heart nonstop, that was how I felt when I was
first
visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with my family. Although this had happened for quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
still
remember everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vividly
, it was spring back then, everything was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vibrant and jubilant, from the flowers to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

I can
still
recall the exact smells of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
popcorns
that days and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by that I can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "image"
imaging
myself standing right there, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
once again. The decorations of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
every year, from what I recall the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
from when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
went was about “Tet”, a Vietnamese traditional holiday where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was pack with a variety kinds of flower, my favorite was the apricots, the redness of the flower it exactly how I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
how thrilling I felt on that day, from the color to the scent to the delicacy decorations, everything was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
brilliant.

Looking back, although my family didn’t do any unique or special activities, we did exactly what a “normal average family” would do
for example
, having an average picnic, having an average conversation with my mom about the sophistication of the
Consider using "all the".
all of the
architects surrounding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
or about how there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "camerae", "cameras"?
camera
everywhere,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be quick to capture the beauty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me the
Possible spelling mistake found.
averageness
of that day is what
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
adore the most, from a far you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
queuing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the auction, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
auction that selling authentic stuffs, from cloths to accessories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the laughs and the bidding was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
loud even from a long distance, you can feel their
Possible spelling mistake found.
happinesses
and exhilaration.

Thinking back about the atmosphere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me falling in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with that day once again, from the
loudly
laughter to the lovely music from the radio nearby, all the sound and noise composed to turn into
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
Use only "loveliest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most loveliest
song I have ever heard, the cheerful and colorful atmosphere
was imprinted
on my mind
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IELTS essay describe the scene and atmosphere of a theme park

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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