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Describe the qualities that you think makes someone heroic. Use specific examples and provide details to support your explanation. v.1

Describe the qualities that you think makes someone heroic. Use specific examples and provide details to support your explanation. v. 1
The professional sports like the Olympics, the World cup and cultural programs are in the existence for a long time and have played an imperative role in people's life. Some individuals consider that the national and local authorities ought to allocate the funds for the international teams and their team members who host their country. On the other hand, others claim that the NGO should contributed for these teams. Before, I have stated my opinion, both views should be analysed first. The supporters who say that the government should foster the international teams and its players, give underlying explanations. First, these sports teams represent their country on a worldwide platform. They break a record or get victory, is all create a national pride and arouse patriotism among its citizens. Second, these international competitions increase valuable tourism, and boost local economies. Lastly, these international and national sports improve global trade and stature. However, those is favour of NGO funding for the sports teams argue that this would release some burden off the government's shoulder, which can help to focus on other areas. Moreover, the large organizations are profit driven, so they should provide the coaching and facilities for these teams. Also, they can promote their products and services through these scholarships and charity. Thus, this would be a win- win situation for both. To conclude from the above mentioned arguments, the government should financially support these sports teams and their players to achieve a desirable performance because NGO cannot provide stable support, which may tarnish the country's image.
The professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like the Olympics, the World cup and cultural programs are in the existence for a long time and have played an imperative role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals consider that the national and local authorities ought to allocate the funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members who host their country.
On the other hand
, others claim that the NGO should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "contribute"
contributed
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, I have stated my opinion, both views should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
first
.

The supporters who say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should foster the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and its players, give underlying explanations.
First
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
represent their country on a worldwide platform. They break a record or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
victory, is all create a national pride and arouse patriotism among its citizens. Second, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
competitions increase valuable tourism, and boost local economies.
Lastly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
global trade and stature.

However
,
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "those am", "those are", "those aren"?
those is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of NGO funding for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
argue that this would release
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
burden off the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's shoulder, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to focus on other areas.
Moreover
, the large organizations are profit driven,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should provide the coaching and facilities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
.
Also
, they can promote their products and services through these scholarships and charity.
Thus
, this would be a win- win situation for both.

To conclude
from the above mentioned arguments, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
financially
support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
and their players to achieve a desirable performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
NGO cannot provide stable support, which may tarnish the country's image.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Describe the qualities that you think makes someone heroic. Use specific examples and provide details to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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