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describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. why was it important to you? use specific examples and details to support your explanation. v.2

describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. why was it important to you? use specific examples and details to support your explanation. v. 2
Nowadays, it is possible to say that advertisement influences the consumer behaviour a lot. Some products can be sold because of the advertisement, while some products do not need the marketing to sell their products at all. In this essay I will give my opinion about the influencing of advertisement towards the consumption of certain goods and services. First of all, I agree that if a product is sold and people buy it, then the producer does not need to make an advertisement to present their products. However, there is also an exception for some certain types of goods and services. An example of goods and services that do not need an advertisement to promote are including products that are considered to be necessary goods for example, vaccination, medicine and water. These things do not need any marketing to be sold because they are important to our lives so we have to buy them anyways without thinking much about them. So, when we have to watch these kind of advertisements, it may turn into some source of entertainments for some particular groups of people. On the other hands, we cannot refuse that the marketing has played a big role in the consumption of the people. In terms of the substitute products, it is very important for them to promote their products via advertising. They will have an advantage of promoting compare to other similar products from different companies. For instance, Coca-Cola and Pepsi both of them are substitute goods which means that if one company starts to promote, then the other company will receive less attention from the customers. Lastly, with or without the advertisements, the owners need to be aware of the quality of products and services all the time. The quality and price of goods need to be considered before selling them to customers. They also have to assure that everything that they sell is safe and have a reasonable price in order to attract the customers. In conclusion, advertising is not a must in the business, but it is also important for some particular type of goods and services. Necessary goods may not need to be promoted, but some luxury goods or substitute goods are different. They need the advertisements to help them keep the clients.
Nowadays, it is possible to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
influences the consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
be sold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the marketing to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at all. In this essay I will give my opinion about the influencing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
towards the consumption of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and services.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is sold
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it, then the producer does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to present their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, there is
also
an exception for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. An example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to promote are including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
are considered
to be necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
for example
, vaccination, medicine and water. These things do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
any marketing to
be sold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them anyways without thinking much about them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, it may turn into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
source of entertainments for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hands, we cannot refuse that the marketing has played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in the consumption of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In terms of the substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
via advertising. They will have an advantage of promoting compare to other similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, Coca-Cola and Pepsi both of them are substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which means that if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to promote, then the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will receive less attention from the customers.

Lastly
, with or without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, the owners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be aware of the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
all the time. The quality and price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
selling them to customers. They
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assure that everything that they sell is safe and have a reasonable price in order to attract the customers.

In conclusion
, advertising is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
in the business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. Necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be promoted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
luxury
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
or substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the clients.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay describe the most important decision that you have made in your life. why was it important to you? use specific examples and details to support your explanation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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