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describe one of the most important things in your life?

describe one of the most important things in your life? x2kra
One of the most important things I own is my laptop. When I was in the end of the first term of grade 12, COVID-19 broke out and had killed many people. It was a really serious problem and the gorvement decided that all the students were absent from school and studied online at home. My parents thought that a laptop is necessary to me for my studying now and in the future and both because of my good academic achievement, so they bought it for me as a reward. I was on cloud nine when I received it. It is so beautiful and I love it at the first sight. This is a laptop which is manufactured by HP. It has a golden case and a 14-inch wide screen. I put on it some stickers to makeup it. Not only is its configuration good, but it also comes with the Window-10 operating system and supports most of the latest software. I use it for my official purposes as well as personal purposes. I look up information on the internet, study online with my teachers and friends. I sometimes prepare some documents, do some projects and have online meeting with my group. This laptop serves my entertainment, too. I watch movies, listen to music, chat with friends and play games on it. In fact, I use this laptop more frequently than any other electronic device I have except the cell phone. Sometimes, when my younger sister needs to find out somethings for her exercises or takes part in online classes, I lend her it. The laptop is really important to me and such like my friend. So, I care for it very carefully to keep it always new and on the best operation.
One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
. When I was in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
first
term of grade 12, COVID-19 broke out and had killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It was a
really
serious problem and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
gorvement
decided that all the students were absent from school and studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at home. My parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
is necessary to me for my studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and in the future and both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it for me as a reward. I was on cloud nine when I received it. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it at the
first
sight. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
which
is manufactured
by HP. It has a golden case and a 14-inch wide screen. I put on it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stickers to makeup it. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is its configuration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the Window-10 operating system and supports most of the latest software.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for my official purposes
as well
as personal purposes. I look up information on the internet, study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
with my teachers and friends.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
documents, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
meeting with my group. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
serves my entertainment, too. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, listen to music, chat with friends and play games on it. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
more
frequently
than any other electronic device I have except the cell phone.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, when my younger sister needs to find out somethings for her exercises or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
classes, I lend her it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me and such like my friend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I care for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
carefully
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it always new and on the best operation.
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IELTS essay describe one of the most important things in your life?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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