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Describe are the parents has responsibility about causes that their children have in public?

Describe are the parents has responsibility about causes that their children have in public? Q8BBw
I profoundly think, the home and parents are the main factor to show the children how be a good member of society and also they can control child behauvior. However by changing time and improving technologies parents has less control on their children and it means by using the Pc devices and online gaming it is hard to keep children out from public danger. In fact, schools are the second important place to improve pupils life skills and boosts their knowledge about haw they can live. On the other hand, the research shows that the parents and schools has parallel result to increase a child as a good person for a society. At the end, it is really important for parents to keep eyes more closer on their children and control.
I
profoundly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the main factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of society and
also
they can control child
Possible spelling mistake found.
behauvior
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
by changing time and improving technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has less control on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it means by using the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pc
devices and online gaming it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
out from public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

In fact, schools are the second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
pupils life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and boosts their knowledge about haw they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

On the other hand
, the research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools has parallel result to increase a child as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person for a society.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eyes
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and control.
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IELTS essay Describe are the parents has responsibility about causes that their children have in public?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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