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asdwefeferfreergrregrtgrtgrtrtrt

asdwefeferfreergrregrtgrtgrtrtrt XVppN
It has long been argued that a school's curriculum should provide students with various financial lessons, which is of paramount importance for the future development of one individual. While others don't concur its necessity, I believe to some extent, implementing monetary education in a school’s program is equivalently considerable with the opposite side. On the one hand, bringing monetary knowledge into education proposes numerous advantages at the present and for the future’s plans. At first, pupils obviously will have the capacity of dealing with a certain amount of money. Practically thinking, in the absence of adults, students might be able to purchase their essentials in case of emergency. This could be considered as soft skills which are frequently the mandatory criterias for their job requirements in the future. For instance, as is observed from the onward trend of financial majors, students who were educated and acquainted with monetary education, absolutely find their working procedures much more smoother than those who were not. On the other hand, the problem of schools giving their pupils’ early education of finance still contains negative effects throughout their lifetime development. Despite the fact that students may earn a certain quantity of practical skills, some will not be able to make sense of money’s crucial role in everyday life. Furthermore, financial education along with age issues may result in student’s bad behaviors towards their family and the society. To give an example, ‘The Guardians’ newspaper has claimed that 65% of pupils who know the way to spend money at an early age usually cause overconsumption of money into unnecessary things like online games, gambles. Hence, I believe that the national education system should consider implementing monetary lessons at an appropriate age. In conclusion, I agree that financial education makes way for students’ soft skills and promotes one’s comprehension of the daily business environment. However, to efficiently teach them financial things, decision makers of the school's curriculum should contemplate on their premature comprehension.
It has long
been argued
that a school's curriculum should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
lessons, which is of paramount importance for the future development of one individual. While others don't concur its necessity, I
The usual collocation for "believe" is "in" not "to". Did you mean "believe in"?
believe to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in a school’s program is
equivalently
considerable with the opposite side.

On the one hand, bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
knowledge into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
proposes numerous advantages at the present and for the future’s plans. At
first
, pupils
obviously
will have the capacity of dealing with a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Practically
thinking, in the absence of adults,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their essentials in case of emergency. This could
be considered
as soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
frequently
the mandatory
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "criteria", the plural form of the noun 'criteria'?
criterias
for their job requirements in the future.
For instance
, as
is observed
from the onward trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
majors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
were educated
and acquainted with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
absolutely
find their working procedures much
Use only "smoother" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more smoother
than those who were not.

On the other hand
, the problem of schools giving their pupils’ early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of finance
still
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects throughout their lifetime development. Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may earn a certain quantity of practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money’s
crucial role in everyday life.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
along with age issues may result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors towards their family and the society. To give an example, ‘The Guardians’ newspaper has claimed that 65% of pupils who know the way to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at an early age
usually
cause overconsumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into unnecessary things like online games, gambles.
Hence
, I believe that the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system should consider implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
lessons at an appropriate age.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and promotes one’s comprehension of the daily business environment.
However
, to
efficiently
teach them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
things, decision makers of the school's curriculum should contemplate on their premature comprehension.
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IELTS essay asdwefeferfreergrregrtgrtgrtrtrt

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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