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2410 describe a favourit fashion itemyou should saywhere you bought itwhen you wear itwhere you wear itand explain why it is important to you. v.1

2410 describe a favourit fashion itemyou should saywhere you bought itwhen you wear itwhere you wear itand explain why it is important to you. v. 1
Recently, concerns around the correlation between public health and diet have risen drastically. While some people believe that the government must take the lead in improving a healthy diet amongst the nation, others argue that people themselves have to handle it. I utterly believe that the regulator which here is the government should set new rules to control public health. There is no doubt that every individual expected to be accountable and taking care of him/herself, because we as a human are authorized to either select which food to be eaten or to have an opportunity to do physical activity to keep ourselves, healthy. However, we are not aware of the ingredients of every food we are using nor the amount of its energy. When it comes to children, the issue becomes worse. With raising commercial advertisement in TV and social media, which encourage kids to use high calorie, high sugar, and enriched fat products, they are parents who should teach them not to use low-quality fast foods and persuade them to have nutritious food, alternatively. On the other hand, many people believe that the government as a regulator should play a major role in improving public health. They cite that the ministry of health, Food and drug administration (FDA), and the health commission of parliament are responsible for the establishment of health-related laws. These mentioned sections can adopt some measures in this regard. For instance, they can control commercial food ad's which targeted kids or make it obligatory to FMCGs to add detailed labeling on their product so as people be aware of what they are eating. Another policy that should be considerate is to increase the tax of unhealthy food, and in parallel, encourage people to use better food through running awareness campaigns among society. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly opine that although people must be aware of the types of food that they consume, the FDA should take the lead.
Recently, concerns around the correlation between public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and diet have risen
drastically
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take the lead in improving a healthy diet amongst the nation, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle it. I
utterly
believe that the regulator which here is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should set new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to control public health.

There is no doubt that every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be accountable and taking care of him/herself,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we as a human
are authorized
to either select which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
be eaten
or to have an opportunity to do physical activity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves, healthy.
However
, we are not aware of the ingredients of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we are using nor the amount of its energy. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to children, the issue becomes worse. With raising commercial advertisement in TV and social media, which encourage kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
high calorie, high sugar, and enriched
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
products, they are parents who should teach them not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
low-quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and persuade them to have nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
alternatively
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as a regulator should play a major role in improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. They cite that the ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and drug administration (FDA), and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
commission of parliament are responsible for the establishment of health-related laws. These mentioned sections can adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures in this regard.
For instance
, they can control commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ad's which targeted kids or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it obligatory to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "FMCG", the plural form of the noun 'FMCG'?
FMCGs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
detailed labeling on their product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be aware of what they are eating. Another policy that should be considerate is to increase the tax of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and in parallel, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
through running awareness campaigns
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
society.

In conclusion
, I
wholeheartedly
opine that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they consume, the FDA should take the lead.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 2410 describe a favourit fashion itemyou should saywhere you bought itwhen you wear itwhere you wear itand explain why it is important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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