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describe an inspring friend or family member

describe an inspring friend or family member RWyko
I have an inspiring friend. Her name is Hoa. Firstly, like her name, she looks so attractive. She has an oval face, high nose and a pair of sparkling black eyes. Her hair is black - a typical colours of most Asians. She also tall and slim- this is a perfect fit suitable for her face. Secondly, she is humble and helpful. Although having a very good academic record, she has never been arrogant with me and her friends. She always helps me whenever I need her. Besides, she loves take part in charity activities to assist for poor and disable people. To sum up, I really like and pround of her
I have an inspiring friend. Her name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
.
Firstly
, like her name, she looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attractive. She has an oval face, high nose and a pair of sparkling black eyes. Her hair is black
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a typical
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "colour"?
colours
of most Asians.
It seems that a verb is missing.
She
also
tall and slim- this is a perfect fit suitable for her face.
Secondly
, she is humble and helpful. Although having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic record, she has never been arrogant with me and her friends. She always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me whenever I need her.
Besides
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in charity activities to assist for poor and disable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To sum up, I
really
like and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pround
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
her
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IELTS essay describe an inspring friend or family member

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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