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Describe an area of your country you know and like•Where is it? •What are its special features? •What do you and other people do in this area? •Explain why you like it. v.1

Describe an area of your country you know and like•Where is it? •What are its special features? •What do you and other people do in this area? •Explain why you like it. v. 1
It is considered by the majority of people that they can achieve happiness through having money. There are reasons why money is significant for people. To begin with, money is vital for people because it provides them with their basic necessities. Without the financial support, people will have the risk of survival. For instance, money can buy foods, shelter, or clothing that people need each day to live in this world. Moreover, they can gain education through the help of monetary sustenance in order to pay tuition fees particularly in attending to the university. Thus, people can be happy when they possess money. Another reason why it is crucial to own money is that it can give people pleasures. When they have funds, they are able to get the things that they enjoy. For example, since people have the funds to buy travel tickets for travelling, they can enjoy the pleasure visiting various destinations with family and friends. Hence, people tend to choose to find ways to bear money. Finally, money is likewise used for helping other people. For some affluent people of the society, helping indigent families provide them happiness. To illustrate, people who reach out aid to the communities who were victims of calamities and send donation to charitable organizations are seen satisfied with what they do. Therefore, money for some is indeed important. In conclusion, it is believed by many that money is the answer to happiness, because it can provides people’s with their necessities in life, pleasures, and charitable works.
It
is considered
by the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they can achieve happiness through having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. There are reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is significant for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides them with their
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
. Without the financial support,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of survival.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
foods, shelter, or clothing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need each day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this world.
Moreover
, they can gain education through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of monetary sustenance in order to pay tuition fees
particularly
in attending to the university.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be happy when they possess money.

Another reason why it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is that it can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
pleasures
. When they have funds, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the things that they enjoy.
For example
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
travel tickets for travelling, they can enjoy the pleasure visiting various destinations with family and friends.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose to find ways to bear money.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
likewise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for helping other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the society, helping indigent families provide them happiness. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who reach out aid to the communities who were victims of calamities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
donation to charitable organizations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
satisfied with what they do.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
is
indeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the answer to happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "provide"
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
with their necessities in life, pleasures, and charitable works.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Describe an area of your country you know and like•Where is it? •What are its special features? •What do you and other people do in this area? •Explain why you like it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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