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Describe a time when you invited someone to have dinner at home or at a restaurant Please say When you invited them Where you had the dinner Why you invited them How you felt about this dinner and How they felt about it v.1

Describe a time when you invited someone to have dinner at home or at a restaurant Please say When you invited them Where you had the dinner Why you invited them How you felt about this dinner and How they felt about it v. 1
Health service and education play an important role in the development of humanity. Some people claim that doctors, nurses, and teachers deserve to augment their income, while people who work in the entertainment industry such as directors or company bosses obtain a vast amount of money. In my opinion, I completely agree with the view that doctors and teachers must have a high salary. This essay will mention a variety of qualifications that workers need to be well-paid. First of all, employees in health and education sectors like doctors and teachers play an indispensable capacity in society as their dedication which reduces an illiteracy and help a huge amount of patients are cured from acute to chronic diseases. For instance, the lack of human resource in education may lead to increase the level of illiteracy and reduce individual’s abilities and skills. Moreover, doctors and nurses have devoted all of their life and worked enthusiastically to patients and their countries. For example, healthcare staff has worked around-the-clock to help patients overcome corona virus which is a very life-threatening virus. On the other hand, workers such as nurses, doctors and teachers should receive high salaries and there are two factors should be taken into consideration. Firstly, doctors and nurses have spent a large amount of time about 6 years or more than that to achieve a practicing certificate and obtain high qualification like the master or doctoral degrees. The second criterion is the importance and influence of the job. For example, a host of students is inspired and have a desire to become a helpful person to society and their nations when they learn interesting and creative lessons from teachers. In conclusion, the salaries for people who work in healthcare and education fields should be considered appropriate by the job’s importance, demand and the worker’s dedication and experience.
Health service and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of humanity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
deserve to augment their income, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in the entertainment industry such as directors or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
bosses obtain a vast amount of money. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a high salary. This essay will mention a variety of qualifications that workers need to be well-paid.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, employees in health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sectors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an indispensable capacity in society as their dedication which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
an illiteracy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a huge amount of patients
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
The usual collocation for "cured" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cured of"?
cured from
acute to chronic diseases.
For instance
, the lack of human resource in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may lead to increase the level of illiteracy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
individual’s abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
have devoted all of their life and worked
enthusiastically
to patients and their countries.
For example
, healthcare staff has worked around-the-clock to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
patients overcome
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
life-threatening virus.

On the other hand
, workers such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should receive high salaries and there are two factors should
be taken
into consideration.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
have spent a large amount of time about 6 years or more than that to achieve a practicing certificate and obtain high qualification like the master or doctoral degrees. The second criterion is the importance and influence of the job.
For example
, a host of students
is inspired
and have a desire to become a helpful person to society and their nations when they learn interesting and creative lessons from teachers.

In conclusion
, the salaries for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fields should
be considered
appropriate by the job’s importance, demand and the worker’s dedication and experience.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Describe a time when you invited someone to have dinner at home or at a restaurant Please say When you invited them Where you had the dinner Why you invited them How you felt about this dinner and How they felt about it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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