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Describe a small business you want to start.....what business it would be....when you want to start it...... why you have not started it yet...

Describe a small business you want to start. . . . . what business it would be. . . . when you want to start it. . . . . . why you have not started it yet. . . nVDb2
Everyone has different plans for the future and they want to make a good income by doing something. I can say that money it's the most important think not only in Iran but in the whole world. you know that you need capital to start a business, in fact you need some money to buy the necessary tool, product, and something that on and about exact price of that I should say it depends on your job that you want to start, but on the other hand do it another job that doesn't require any funds it's employed or worker, well, you go to work during the month and at the end of the month you get the salary from your boss. only the negetive point of this work is that your salary doesn't change much. in my opinion it is much better than worker if you start a business yourself because you don't have boss and no one can see something to you, even it's income is variable, but the biggest problem is the Investment which is very difficult to provide. Today I want to talk about one job that I want to do in the future, it's selling shoes. In fact, everyone needs shoes, When they go to work, when they go to the club, when they travel, when they go to a party and so on. Boldly i can say that selling shoes requires a lot of capital that I do not have at the moment. at the first you should buy or rent a place for your job that is so expensive, And then buy the products and you can sell them in that place, honestly, I have not done this so far because I am a student and I am studying, but the most important one that is I do not have enough money for this job, But I hope to be able to launch it in the future. All in all, I must say that everyone should have a plan for their future
Everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plans for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income by doing something. I can say that money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Iran
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the whole world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
you
know that you need capital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business, in fact you need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the necessary tool, product, and something that on and about exact price of that I should say it depends on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
do it another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that doesn't require any funds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
employed or worker, well, you go to work during the month and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the salary from your boss.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
only
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
negetive
point of this work is that your salary doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
much.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion it is much better than worker if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you don't have boss and no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
something to you, even
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
income is variable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the biggest problem is the Investment which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to provide.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to talk about one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
selling shoes. In fact, everyone needs shoes, When they go to work, when they go to the club, when they travel, when they go to a party and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Boldly
Did you mean "I"?
i
can say that selling shoes requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
capital that I do not have at the moment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
the
first
you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or rent a place for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive, And then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products and you can sell them in that place,
honestly
, I have not done this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
student and
I am studying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one
that is
I do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I hope to be able to launch it in the future.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that everyone should have a plan for their future
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IELTS essay Describe a small business you want to start. . . . . what business it would be. . . . when you want to start it. . . . . . why you have not started it yet. . .

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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