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Describe a short term job which you doing in abroad

Describe a short term job which you doing in abroad W50Oa
Well, I am planning to go abroad for my higher study and my dream country for my higher study is Canada, I would like to work there for that I am there and my friend also went to Canada for business management course as he work in a pizza outlet as well as he get 10 Canadian Dollar each day. Apart from that he told me a lot of education system there and he manage his work and expenses very nicelybecause he he worked 5 on Saturday and 5 hour on Sunday and two hours on each day so this way he did not disturb their study and also promised me to find job for me there and I intend to join as soon as I would to like there in a library but if I would not get a job in the library I would also like to do a restaurant and pizza outlets because I am found of cooking show during this job I can know the culture heritage and also meet the new peoples as well as made a new friends
Well, I am planning to go abroad for my higher study and my dream country for my higher study is Canada, I would like to work there for that I am there and my friend
also
went to Canada for business management course as he work in a pizza outlet
as well
as he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
10 Canadian Dollar each day. Apart from that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
education system
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "manages", "managed".
manage
his work and expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
nicelybecause
Possible typo: you repeated a word
he he
worked 5 on Saturday and 5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
on Sunday and two hours on each day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this way he did not disturb their study and
also
promised me to find job for me there and I intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as I would to like there in a library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if I would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the library".
in the library
I would
also
like to do a restaurant and pizza outlets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
am found
of cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
during this job I can know the culture heritage and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the new peoples
as well
as made a new
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
friends

IELTS essay Describe a short term job which you doing in abroad

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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