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Describe a previous unexpected problem on your way home from school that you had during your childhood or school years.

Describe a previous unexpected problem on your way home from school that you had during your childhood or school years. xxp2y
In 7th grade, my father bought me an electric bicycle. Because I'm afraid of traffic jams, I often go to school and return home by shortcut. That road is small and empty. My parents advised me not to go that route because it was very dangerous. I didn't take that advice. Until one day I took extra math classes in the evening and came home late, I continued on that road and was blocked by a strange man. I was panicking at that time, he said a lot but I couldn't remember all the words he said. I just remember him asking me to get off the e-bike and give him the keys. When I didn't agree, he glared menacingly. Fortunately, the uncle next to my house also passed the same road. I quickly shouted: "Daddy! ". Seeing someone coming, the other man got scared and left. He knew I was panicking so he brought me back to the house. As soon as I got home, I burst into tears and apologized to my parents for not listening to their advice. The incident caused her fear for a long time, on the other hand, through this incident, I also learned a valuable lesson for myself: not to go alone on an empty road AND should bring a phone phone when leaving the house.
In 7th grade, my father
bought
me an electric bicycle.
Because
I'm afraid of traffic jams, I
often
go to school and return home by shortcut. That
road
is
small
and empty. My parents advised me not to go that route
because
it was
very
dangerous
. I didn't take that advice. Until one day I took extra math classes in the evening and came home late, I continued on that
road
and
was blocked
by a strange
man
. I was panicking at that time, he said a lot
but
I couldn't remember all the words he said. I
just
remember him asking me to
get
off the e-bike and give him the keys. When I didn't
agree
, he glared
menacingly
.
Fortunately
, the uncle
next
to my
house
also
passed the same
road
. I
quickly
shouted:
"
Daddy
!
"
. Seeing someone coming, the other
man
got
scared and
left
. He knew I was panicking
so
he brought me back to the
house
. As
soon
as I
got
home, I burst into tears and apologized to my parents for not listening to their advice. The incident caused her fear for a long time,
on the other hand
, through this incident, I
also
learned a valuable lesson for myself: not to go alone on an empty
road
AND should bring a
phone phone
when leaving the
house
.
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IELTS essay Describe a previous unexpected problem on your way home from school that you had during your childhood or school years.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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