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Describe a place you would like to visit, and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v.1

Describe a place you would like to visit, and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v. 1
These days it is crucial to be financially healthy with ample free time for leisurely activities. Some people might argue that it is worthwhile to have more money with lack of free time as compared to earning a lower income with plenty of free time. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why I think individuals would benefit from a higher income and lesser free time for themselves. The power of financial independence provides people with a wide range of opportunities. The ability to travel the world, afford their worldly desires and even be able to pay for medical treatments should unfortunate circumstances arise. A market research survey conducted with high profile executives in various blue-chip companies stated that reduced free time enabled them to be more focused and goal oriented. For instance, Elon Musk, the CEO of tesla has been known to sleep in conference rooms to maintain his productivity levels. Having said this, it is imperative for humans in general to dedicate a portion of their time for their mental wellbeing. The issues of mental health have received significant importance over the past few years. Scientists have also conducted various experiments to conclude that by diminishing time reserved for leisurely activities or even rest, one might notice lower levels of motivation and productivity. Although free time has its benefits, the lack of drive or even lower income can increase frustration levels. For example, individuals with lower income tend to run the risk of being introduced to poverty. If they were to sustain an injury, lack of funds could halt their medical treatments. In conclusion, based on the evidence provided, although having time for leisurely activities enables people to have healthier mental well being. I believe that in the long run, individuals with stronger financial stability and lower free time tend to have significant advantages than those with lower income and more free time.
These days it is crucial to be
financially
healthy with ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
leisurely
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that it is worthwhile to have more money with lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as compared to earning a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
individuals would benefit from a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.

The power of financial independence provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a wide range of opportunities. The ability to travel the world, afford their worldly desires and even be able to pay for medical treatments should unfortunate circumstances arise. A market research survey conducted with high profile executives in various blue-chip
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
stated that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enabled them to be more focused and goal oriented.
For instance
, Elon Musk, the CEO of tesla has
been known
to sleep in conference rooms to maintain his productivity levels. Having said this, it is imperative for humans
in general
to dedicate a portion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

The issues of mental health have received significant importance over the past few years. Scientists have
also
conducted various experiments
to conclude
that by diminishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
reserved for
leisurely
activities or even rest, one might notice lower levels of motivation and productivity. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has its benefits, the lack of drive or even lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
can increase frustration levels.
For example
, individuals with lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
tend to run the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being introduced
to poverty. If they were to sustain an injury, lack of funds could halt their medical treatments.

In conclusion
, based on the evidence provided, although having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
leisurely
activities enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have healthier mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. I believe that in the long run, individuals with stronger financial stability and lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
tend to have significant advantages than those with lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a place you would like to visit, and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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