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Describe a news story you read/saw

Describe a news story you read/saw 6dPO8
Well, today’s news media are full of all kinds of news. But, today, I would like to go ahead and talk about one of those few news which, I thought, stood out among many others. The news about subway. Initially, several days ago subway's stopped on the way as well as a lot of people began exit from subway, nevertheless after 20 minutes subway began to walk. As well as that, in that day subway's door was not closed, therefore a lot of people was afraid and one person not only take on the video this situation on own telephone but also he distributed to everywhere. To sum up, this news was very enjoyable and distressing, due to the fact is that for our country it is shamed. To my way of thinking this news was very significant thus this news was showed on TV. Apart from this, after this situation ministry of transport gave informations why this situation was.
Well,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
media are full of all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I would like to go ahead and talk about one of those few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, stood out among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about subway.

Initially
, several days ago subway's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
on the way
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
began exit from subway,
nevertheless
after 20 minutes subway began to walk.

As well
as that, in that day subway's door was not closed,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was afraid and one person not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take on the video this situation on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
telephone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he distributed
Did you mean "too"?
to
everywhere.

To sum up, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enjoyable and distressing, due to the fact is that for our country it
is shamed
. To my way of thinking this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant
thus
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on TV. Apart from this, after this situation ministry of transport gave
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
why this situation was.
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IELTS essay Describe a news story you read/saw

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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