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describe a memorable period or event from your childhood

describe a memorable period or event from your childhood qkVkw
I remember when I was six years old and, My mother was pregnant with my sister. At that time I was delighted to have a baby sister because I thought she would never grow up and, always remain a baby so I can play with her as a doll. when she was born I was jealous of her as the same as my peer because I thought now everybody pays attention to her. she tended to cry when she was hungry or sleepy or anything else, At that time I understood what occurs to me. I felt self-conscious when everybody focuses on how I behave with her. Otherwise, her birth helped me make the transition to independent living. Actually, I understood babies would grow up in any case.
I remember when I was six years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and, My mother was pregnant with my sister. At that time I
was delighted
to have a baby sister
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
she would never grow up and, always remain a baby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I can play with her as a doll.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
she
was born
I was jealous of her as the same as my peer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
everybody pays attention to her.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
tended to cry when she was hungry or sleepy or anything else, At that time I understood what occurs to me. I felt self-conscious when everybody focuses on how I behave with her.
Otherwise
, her birth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the transition to independent living. Actually, I understood babies would grow up in any case.

IELTS essay describe a memorable period or event from your childhood

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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