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describe a leisure activity near or in the sea that you want to try. what activity it is how you should prepare for this activity why you want to try it

describe a leisure activity near or in the sea that you want to try. what activity it is how you should prepare for this activity why you want to try it KW1j1
Since my last vacation I've had an overwhelming desire to try flyboarding. As the name suggests, it's like flying on water pressure. You stand on a board which is connected to a watercraft by means of a very long hose. The watercraft gives the fly board propulsion, so you can move underwater and fly over the water. First, I saw a video on Facebook which really impressed me. Then I was on holiday and saw people jump out of water like dolphins. It looked even more impressive. However, it was too expensive for me. It cost more than 100 dollars per 15 to 20 minutes. It's still very expensive for me, but i decided to save money for it and try it come what may as it's absolutely different from all other activities I've done to date. I think there are only three things I'll have to think of. First of all, I'll have to get in good physical shape. Secondly, I'll have to rent gear such as a fly board, wetsuit, helmet, and life jacket. But it's not a deal as the most training locations can provide all of these equipment. Finally, I'll have to learn some basic skills and learn to operate a fly board. But people say that it only requires a short period of training to get started. So it won't be an issue either. Now I'm looking forward to my summer holidays as I'm sure it's a lot of fun flying above the water like superman, let alone the thrill of getting the adrenaline pumping through my body. Also, I wonder whether I will be capable of mastering it and whether it's as difficult as it seems.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
my last vacation I've had an overwhelming desire to try
Possible spelling mistake found.
flyboarding
. As the name suggests,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
like flying on water pressure. You stand on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
board
which
is connected
to a watercraft by means of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long hose. The watercraft gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
board
propulsion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
underwater and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fly
over the water.

First
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a video on Facebook which
really
impressed me. Then I was on holiday and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
jump out of water like dolphins. It looked even more impressive.
However
, it was too expensive for me. It cost more than 100 dollars per 15 to 20 minutes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
decided to save money for it and try it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
what may as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from all other activities I've done to date.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
three things I'll
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I'll
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical shape.
Secondly
, I'll
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rent gear such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
board
, wetsuit, helmet, and life jacket.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not a deal as the most training locations can provide all of
Did you mean "this equipment" or "these equipments"?
these equipment
.
Finally
, I'll
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn to operate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
board
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
requires a short period of training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it won't be an issue either.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I'm looking forward to my summer holidays as I'm sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun flying above the water like superman,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the thrill of getting the adrenaline pumping through my body.
Also
, I wonder whether I will be capable of mastering it and whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
as difficult as it seems.
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IELTS essay describe a leisure activity near or in the sea that you want to try. what activity it is how you should prepare for this activity why you want to try it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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