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Describe a famous athlete

Describe a famous athlete nxAgP
I am a big fan of tennis and I am always trying to partake in tennis competitions in my hometown. I have been dreaming about talking about it for a long time that's what I want to be make a big impression related to tennis on me. I know one of my favourite athletes is Serena Williams. She was born in the USA that's what she still lives here. I came to know about him from the channel, Euro sports" announcement and from that moment on I have felt that emotion a lot. After that, I began watching his every match on TV and I am a fan of him. Besides, I want to be able to go to the USA to study and only at that moment I will have time to do meet with him in the tennis gym in the foreseeable fortune. Of course, I have to say more things about his lifestyle and his great achievement in the competitions, like the Wimbledon tournament and Rolland Garros one of the favourable outcomes in his life. She can also be a wannabe athlete amongst other sportsmen because I inspire him every match gives us passion a lot and that causes a majority number of young athletes to begin tennis like me. Furthermore, the person who out to be able to take the trouble to do get the most award must strive to it like him.
I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tennis and
I am always trying to partake in tennis competitions in my hometown. I have been dreaming
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
about talking about
it for a long time that's what I want to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impression related to tennis on me.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
know one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
athletes is Serena Williams. She
was born
in the USA that's what she
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
here. I came to know about him from the channel, Euro sports
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
announcement and from that moment on I have felt that emotion a lot. After that, I began watching his every match on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
TV and
I am a fan of him.
Besides
, I want to be able to go to the USA to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at that moment I will have time to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with him in the tennis gym in the foreseeable fortune.
Of course
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say more things about his lifestyle and his great achievement in the competitions, like the Wimbledon tournament and Rolland
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garros
one of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
outcomes in his life. She can
also
be a wannabe athlete amongst other sportsmen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I inspire him every match gives us passion a lot and that causes a majority number of young athletes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
tennis like me.
Furthermore
, the person who out to be able to take the trouble to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most award
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strive to it like him.
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IELTS essay Describe a famous athlete

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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