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Describe a family member you admire

Describe a family member you admire gq6bl
I am a person who always respects everyone in the family. But to talk about the person I admire, there is only my second sister. The person who makes me always consider a bright example to strive to follow. My sister is currently a high school student at Hung Vuong High School for the Gifted. Currently studying in grade 11. My sister is quite thin and tall. The face is oval in shape with large and round eyes. In particular, her high nose makes Grandma highlight her pure beauty. My sister lives quite simply and always gives everything to her sister. From a young age I considered her an ideal model for me to learn from. She is a self-taught person and always tries her best in her studies. She also fell many times but she knew how to get up and continue on the path of her dream. Previously, she had a dream to enter Hung Vuong School. Because this is a prestigious training school in Binh Duong. Because of that dream, she always strived to try to self-study and self-search online during her 4 years of junior high school. She sometimes forgets to eat, forget to sleep. But she was not tired and kept trying. Many times in mock exams at the school, her score was not too high to get into that school, but she knew how to correct the mistakes she encountered. And not disappointed, her will, she has reached the school she dreamed of. In particular, she is also quite good at this school. I also have a dream to go to this school like you, so I will take this example so that I can learn and have more motivation to strive for my will.
I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who always respects everyone in the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to talk about the
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person
I admire, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my second
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sister
. The
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person
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me always consider a bright example to strive to follow. My
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sister
is
currently
a
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high
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school
student at Hung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vuong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
for the Gifted.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
studying in grade 11. My
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sister
is quite thin and tall. The face is
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
oval in shape
with large and round eyes.
In particular
, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
nose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Grandma highlight her pure beauty. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
quite
simply
and always gives everything to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sister
. From a young age I considered her an ideal model for me to learn from. She is a self-taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and always tries her best in her studies. She
also
fell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she knew how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up and continue on the path of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
. Previously, she had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
to enter Hung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vuong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
this is a prestigious training
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school
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Binh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Duong
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that
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dream
, she always strived to try to self-study and self-search online during her 4 years of junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
forgets to eat, forget to sleep.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
she was not tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
trying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times in mock exams at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, her score was not too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she knew how to correct the mistakes she encountered. And not disappointed, her will, she has reached the
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school
she dreamed of.
In particular
, she is
also
quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
also
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
to go to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
like you,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will take this example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can learn and have more motivation to strive for my will.
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IELTS essay Describe a family member you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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