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Describe a competition you took part in: You should saywhat kind of competition it was and how you found about itwhat you had to do what the prizes wereand explain why why you chose to take part in it. v.1

Describe a competition you took part in: You should saywhat kind of competition it was and how you found about itwhat you had to do what the prizes wereand explain why why you chose to take part in it. v. 1
In the modern world, we have access to films on our phones and tablets, as a result of which some people believe there is no need to go to the cinema. However, some people believe to be fully enjoyed we should go to the cinema. People have equal views on this and this essay will discuss both views. Firstly, people love to watch movies on their smartphones, tablets because of their hectic schedule. Sometimes, due to the family condition, we work for long hours to survive. For example, we work for more than 8 hours everyday, and because of that we do not have time to go to the cinemas for movies. So, we started to enjoy movies on our smartphones. According to me, it's totally fine to see a movie on a tablet, we should do the things we love. On the other hand, some people believe that we can only enjoy a film to its fullest extent if we see them in the cinema. They believe that a movie can be fully enjoyed if it is seen in the cinema with family or friends. People make plans on weekends or public holidays and go to watch movies together. Personally, I love to go to the cinema to watch a movie with the love of my life. In conclusion, everybody has different views on whether we should see the films on our phones or we should go to the cinemas. It totally depends upon the people and their schedule, they should do whatever suits them best and should live a healthy life.
In the modern world, we have access to films on our phones and tablets,
as a result
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
there is no need to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
to be
fully
enjoyed we should go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have equal views on this and this essay will discuss both views.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on their smartphones, tablets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic schedule.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, due to the family condition, we work for long hours to survive.
For example
, we work for more than 8 hours
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that we do not have time to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on our smartphones.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, it's
totally
fine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on a tablet, we should do the things we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy a film to its fullest extent if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
can be
fully
enjoyed if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
with family or friends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans on weekends or public holidays and go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
together.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of my life.

In conclusion
, everybody has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on whether we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the films on our
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phones or
we should go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. It
totally
depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their schedule, they should do whatever suits them best and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a competition you took part in: You should saywhat kind of competition it was and how you found about itwhat you had to do what the prizes wereand explain why why you chose to take part in it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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