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Awards and prizes are given for excellence in various fields. Do these awards and prizes serve a useful purpose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Awards and prizes are given for excellence in various fields. Do these awards and prizes serve a useful purpose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
The majority of schools have reward system for certifying the students who show their best performance in each field and It can be the indication of success in their fields as well. However, For me, I agree with the statement that these award-prizes in various fields give some practical purposes for the students because Actually, these rewards provide them with some practical benefits in various ways which I will illustrate in this essay. To begin with, By giving the awards or prizes to them can stimulate a great deal of motivation about what they are studying and it shows that what the students ’capabilities are. So the students can actively study further and improve themselves about the field that they are best at. For example, when my friend’s name is on the list of getting the reward of the best ten people who have the highest score in English class in every semester. Then, He suddenly feels energetic and motivated at that time Finally, He realizes that what he is capable of and knows which life path that he wants to walk on. Moreover, It also makes them proud of their achievement in their fields. Sometimes, the reward can be a tangible thing that can be your evidence of your effort in the field that you attain. Secondly, It also can be your encourage whenever you are dishearten or discouraged in what you are doing. By the mean, which looking at your rewards can bring you out of these bad feeling. I will take my sister' s case as an example. I have got the certification of her field which placed on her desk. whenever she is tired of doing her task she always looks at what she have succeeded in her life. As a result, It works really well and it can relieve her tiredness. Finally, The reward can be your great evidence for applying for your dream job. It can give some opportunity to get approach to your work which may match with you aptitude. For example, If you have got some good reward or certification in your field. So that, you can put them into your resume in order to increase the rate of possibility to get that job. To wrap up, Giving the rewards to the students provide many benefits to them whether it be their motivation, proud, encourage when you are discouraged. And It also can be a great evidence to get your desire job.
The majority of schools have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
system for certifying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their best performance in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and It can be the indication of success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
as well
.
However
, For me, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that these award-prizes in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical purposes for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Actually, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
provide them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical benefits in various ways which I will illustrate in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, By giving the awards or prizes to them can stimulate a great deal of motivation about what they are studying and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
’capabilities are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
actively
study
further
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
that they are best at.
For example
, when my friend’s name is on the list of getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
of the best ten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have the highest score in English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in every semester. Then, He
suddenly
feels energetic and motivated at that time
Finally
, He realizes that what he is capable of and knows which life path that he wants to walk on.

Moreover
, It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them proud of their achievement in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
can be a tangible thing that can be your evidence of your effort in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
that you attain.
Secondly
, It
also
can be your encourage whenever you are
Consider using a past participle here: "disheartened".
dishearten
or discouraged in what you are doing. By the mean, which looking at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
can bring you out of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
feeling. I will take my
Possible spelling mistake found.
sister&
#039; s case as an example. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the certification of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
which placed on her desk.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whenever
she
is tired
of doing her task she always looks at what she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
succeeded in her life.
As a result
, It works
really
well and it can relieve her tiredness.

Finally
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
can be your great evidence for applying for your dream job. It can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
approach to your work which may match with you aptitude.
For example
, If you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
or certification in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, you can put them into your resume in order to increase the rate of possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that job.

To wrap up, Giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to them whether it be their motivation, proud, encourage when you
are discouraged
. And It
also
can be a great evidence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your desire job.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Awards and prizes are given for excellence in various fields. Do these awards and prizes serve a useful purpose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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