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Department Stores and Online Stores in Australia

Department Stores and Online Stores in Australia PRaxB
The supplied table data depicts the business results of two main categories including direct sales and online sales in 2011. At a first glance, online stores were considerably more popular in terms of the number of businesses in operation though profits and revenue were relatively closer together, with online holding a small edge for each. The online stores also experienced meaningfully greater growth. The number of businesses conducted via online stores was 368 in 2011, roughly five times higher than the figure for physical ones (67 stores). Despite such a significant gap, there was no substantial difference in the figures for profit earned by department stores and online stores, with 807 AUD dollars for the former and 863 AUD dollars for the latter. Concerning revenue, online purchases also displayed marginally higher final numbers. Online purchase revenue accounted for $13, 400 compared to $12, 700 for department locations. Finally, the growth percentage was considerably higher for online (. 6%) relative to physical department stores (. 4%).
The supplied table data depicts the business results of two main categories including direct sales and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sales in 2011. At a
first
glance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
were
considerably
more popular in terms of the number of businesses in operation though profits and revenue were
relatively
closer together, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
holding a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
edge for each. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
also
experienced
meaningfully
greater growth.

The number of businesses conducted via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
was 368 in 2011, roughly five times higher than the figure for physical ones (67
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores)
. Despite such a significant gap, there was no substantial difference in the figures for profit earned by department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, with 807 AUD dollars for the former and 863 AUD dollars for the latter.

Concerning revenue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
also
displayed
marginally
higher final numbers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
revenue accounted for $13, 400
Possible agreement error. The noun 'compared' seems to be countable, so consider using: "compares".
compared
to $12, 700 for department locations.
Finally
, the growth percentage was
considerably
higher for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
(. 6%) relative to physical department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
(. 4%).
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IELTS essay Department Stores and Online Stores in Australia

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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