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Children these day have an unhealthy life school or parent should responsibility

Children these day have an unhealthy life school or parent should responsibility OR2PE
Most children today lead an unhealthy lifestyle. Solving these problems is undoubtedly the responsibility of the parents. Schools should be concerned about these issues and take responsibility for resolving them. One of the key issues in today's society is the inevitable unhealthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, children are also affected by this problem. Because most parents are obsessed with living a healthy lifestyle. Parents should bear responsibility for their children's bad lives since it is their responsibility to ensure their children's health and cleanliness. Schools, in my opinion, should bear the same level of accountability because they are where students spend the majority of their time. Their parents pay for their children's education, socialisation, and health care. As a result, schools must take care of and be accountable for children's health. Aside from parents and schools, the youngster should also be held accountable. to maintain a healthy physique All of the body's systems are working properly and effectively. as well as in order to avoid becoming ill on a regular basis
Most children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
lead an unhealthy lifestyle. Solving these problems is
undoubtedly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Schools should
be concerned
about these issues and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for resolving them. One of the key issues in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society is the inevitable unhealthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, children are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this problem.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are obsessed
with living a healthy lifestyle.

Parents should bear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
since it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
health and cleanliness.

Schools, in my opinion, should bear the same level of accountability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are where students spend the majority of their time. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pay for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
education,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
, and health care.
As a result
, schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of and be accountable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
health.

Aside from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools, the youngster should
also
be held
accountable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
maintain a healthy physique
Consider using "all the".
All of the
body's systems are working
properly
and
effectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
well as in order to avoid becoming ill on a regular
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
basis
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IELTS essay Children these day have an unhealthy life school or parent should responsibility

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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