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DAY 1 Universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries.

DAY 1 Universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries. jDjjw
Since time immemorial, the vast majority of people have valued education for being one of the key factors to improve a country. For this reason, people created numerous institutions for the purpose of education. Whereas some people support the idea that universities should spend their funds more on libraries, I firmly believe that such institutions should advocate both sports clubs and libraries with equivalent funds for several reasons. I will delineate my thoughts in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, exercise including sports is very crucial in our lives for these activities promote the health of students. According to a celebrated doctor, the best way to maintain health is regular exercise. Joiining a sports club will help students to remain healthy and give strength to study. My own experience is a compelling demonstration to exemplify my perspective. Back in my days when I attended Harvard University, since I was obese, my mom suggested me to join a basketball club for she was anxious about my health condition. Following my mom’s instruction, I attended the institution and got interested in playing basketball. Form that time on, I initiated to play the sport with my friends every weekend. As a result, my weight began to reduce dramatically, and I eventually became healthy. On top of that, generally speaking, sports require group work. For this reason, during the process of cooperation, students will improve their socializing skills. My brother, Isaac, is an archetype to elaborate on my opinion further. My brother in Gordon college was one of the members of a soccer club. The team including my brother trained together regularly and spent most of their time to strengthen the combination of the team. In addition, the teammates hang out together after the practice. By spending lots of time together, he interacted with several new people and build closer relationships with them.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
immemorial, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have valued education for being one of the key factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a country.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
created numerous institutions for the purpose of education. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that universities should spend their funds more on libraries, I
firmly
believe that such institutions should advocate both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and libraries with equivalent funds for several reasons. I will delineate my thoughts in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, exercise including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for these activities promote the health of students. According to a celebrated doctor, the best way to maintain health is regular exercise.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Joiining
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to remain healthy and give strength to study. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling demonstration to exemplify my perspective. Back in my days when I attended Harvard University, since I was obese, my mom suggested me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
for she was anxious about my health condition. Following my mom’s instruction, I attended the institution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
interested in playing basketball. Form that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on, I initiated to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with my friends every weekend.
As a result
, my weight began to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
dramatically
, and I
eventually
became healthy.

On top of that
,
generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
require group work.
For this reason
, during the process of cooperation, students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their socializing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. My brother, Isaac, is an archetype to elaborate on my opinion
further
. My brother in Gordon college was one of the members of a soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
. The team including my brother trained together
regularly
and spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to strengthen the combination of the team.
In addition
, the teammates hang out together after the practice. By spending lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together, he interacted with several new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and build closer relationships with them.
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IELTS essay DAY 1 Universities should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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