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Dangerous sport should be banned.Do you agree or disagree?

To achieve the popularity, nowadays, playing dangerous sports is becoming common among youngsters. However, some people are against participating in adventure sports, since it can lead to fatal consequences and I completely agree with them. Initially, people should conceive how much they are risking. Certain teenagers are even ready for jumping from top of the Everest to obtain high adrenalin. But they never realise how it can change their lives, if they seriously injure themselves. Life is agift and neither popularity nor sport doesn't worth to put it in danger. Moreover, dangerous sport is not a single way of becoming famous. Additionally, it causes the pollution of enviroment. Because risky sports are often held as a spectacle. Many trees are cut down to make decoration for performers and settles for people. As a result it will destroy natural beauty of the place. In conclusion, by restricting this type of sport, we are able to save both mankind and nature.
To achieve the popularity, nowadays, playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is becoming common among youngsters.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are against participating in adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, since it can lead to fatal consequences and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.
Initially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should conceive how much they are risking. Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are even ready for jumping from top of the Everest to obtain high adrenalin.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they never
Possible spelling mistake. ‘realise’ is British English.
realise
how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, if they
seriously
injure themselves. Life is
Possible spelling mistake found.
agift
and neither popularity nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
doesn't worth to put it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not a single way of becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Additionally
, it causes the pollution of
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
held as a spectacle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decoration for performers and settles for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
natural beauty of the place.
In conclusion
, by restricting this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, we are able to save both mankind and nature.
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IELTS essay Dangerous sport should be banned.Do you agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
159 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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