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Crime Rates and education prisoners

Crime Rates and education prisoners QVYAX
The high incidence of illegal activities has always been one of the paramount subjects of debates. Although I agree that education plays a pivotal role in deterring corruption I think, it is not always the best way. Other factors like community service can be as effective as teaching offenders. On the one hand, educating law-breakers has shown a positive impact on contraction of crime commissions. It is a popular belief that lacking a secure and sufficient source of income to cover the living expenses is among the main reasons deviating people toward immoral activities; And, gaining an educational degree guarantees a proper job which spurs criminals to rehabilitate faster. So, the higher the education level, the higher chance of a proper occupation which leads to a lower tendency to commit a crime. On the other hand, depending on individual personalities, not all law-breakers show any attentiveness in gaining knowledge as they may believe they are not talented enough. However, improving vocational skills by getting involved in community services not only deemed as a penalty for criminals but also opens up the opportunity to find a career and handle their financial issues which have been recognized as a key factor in deviating them. Thus, taking part in community-based skillful activities will facilitate finding a proper profession that has a direct impact on crime rate reduction for those devious people, not a fan of receiving education. To conclude, though I agree that being taught at the prison has undeniable repercussions in the contraction of crime rate in the society due to providing a guaranteed job prospect for offenders, I think improving vocational skills will have the same effect on those apathetic in gaining an educational degree.
The high incidence of illegal activities has always been one of the paramount subjects of debates. Although I
agree
that education plays a pivotal role in deterring corruption I
think
, it is not always the best way. Other factors like community service can be as effective as teaching offenders.

On the one hand, educating law-breakers has shown a
positive
impact on contraction of crime commissions. It is a popular belief that lacking a secure and sufficient source of income to cover the living expenses is among the main reasons deviating
people
toward immoral activities; And, gaining an educational degree guarantees a proper job which spurs criminals to rehabilitate faster.
So
, the higher the education level, the higher chance of a proper occupation which leads to a lower tendency to commit a crime.

On the other hand
, depending on individual personalities, not all law-breakers
show
any attentiveness in gaining knowledge as they may believe they are not talented
enough
.
However
, improving vocational
skills
by getting involved in community services not
only
deemed as a penalty for criminals
but
also
opens up the opportunity to find a career and handle their financial issues which have
been recognized
as a key factor in deviating them.
Thus
, taking part in community-based skillful activities will facilitate finding a proper profession that has a direct impact on crime rate reduction for those devious
people
, not a fan of receiving education.

To conclude
, though I
agree
that
being taught
at the prison has undeniable repercussions in the contraction of crime rate in the society due to providing a guaranteed job prospect for offenders, I
think
improving vocational
skills
will have the same effect on those apathetic in gaining an educational degree.
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IELTS essay Crime Rates and education prisoners

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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