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Crime rate in most countries is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What do you think

Crime rate in most countries is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What do you think V09NJ
As With the increase in population, increase in crime is becoming the biggest concern for most countries. In many countries, crime rate is higher in metropolitan cities than in villages or urban areas. I agree with this. Firstly, in metropolitan Cities life is not easy, most people live their lifes hand to mouth. Moreover, competition in social status is high in big cities which leads to frustration and effect mental health. All these factors increase crime, as people wants to get rich as soon as possible in urban areas and try to find short cuts in thier life. Secondly, urban areas are most populated areas of the country, where there is a blend of culture and people all around the country, which means every other person thinks differently. Some of them may do drugs, alcohol or have other bad habbits that are illegal and they will try to find ways to enjoy thier habits. On the contrary, parents in metropolitan cities have well busy and hectic life that cause difficulty in the upbringing of children, which eventually produce black sheeps of society. On the other hand, life in rural areas is calm and smooth, they don't have any social competitions, they earn to live their life happily, they don't have any social dilemma and even they don't take excess load in their minds. In conclusion, crime rate in urban areas is more because of people life style, busy schedules, unemployment, and wish to become rich in short period of time.
As With the increase in population, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is becoming the biggest concern for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is higher in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in villages or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this.

Firstly
, in metropolitan
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Cities'" or "city's"?
Cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not easy, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
hand to mouth.
Moreover
, competition in social status is high in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which leads to frustration and effect mental health. All these factors increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and try to find short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are most populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, where there is a blend of culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which means every other person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
differently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them may do drugs, alcohol or have other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbits
that are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
illegal and
they will try to find ways to enjoy
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
habits.
On the contrary
, parents in metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have well busy and hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that cause difficulty in the upbringing of children, which
eventually
produce black
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "sheep", the plural form of the noun 'sheep'?
sheeps
of society.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is calm and smooth, they don't have any social competitions, they earn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happily
, they don't have any social dilemma and even they don't take excess load in their minds.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style, busy schedules, unemployment, and wish to become rich in short period of time.
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IELTS essay Crime rate in most countries is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. What do you think

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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