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Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of increasing in life expectancy in many countries around the world and write your opinion.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of increasing in life expectancy in many countries around the world and write your opinion. 8JlX5
The prolongation of life expectancy is noticeable in a lot of countries of the globe. Economists and scientists might have different ideas, while from my point of view the benefits of increasing life expectancy are more valuable. Since the last century, the progression of medical technologies is more noticeable than any era. This development has many direct results on the people’s life. Now we can spend more time with our beloved ones and be less worried about losing them. Furthermore, we could seek wisdom from our seniors in universities of workplaces. For instance, if Stephen Hawking was born in 18th century, he would be dead by the age of 30. But doctors could save him for almost 70 years and the whole world have been effected by his achievements. In addition, when people live longer, the researchers would be motivated to find new ways to improve the quality of lives. This kind of innovations will affect other parts of health system too. While scientists are trying to make people live longer, the economists have different perspectives. They have suggested that the increase in life expectancy will leads to serious economic issues. Financial experts believe that elderlies need more social services and they are responsible for occupying medical facilities. For example, as people get old, they are more likely to get chronic diseases like diabetes or heart problems. So they need to purchase medicines for the rest of their lives and this costs have negative effects on economics. Besides they are not able to do their duties to the society in return. In conclusion, I believe that it is more beneficial when people live more longer.
The prolongation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is noticeable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries of the globe. Economists and scientists might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, while from my point of view the benefits of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy are more valuable.

Since the last century, the progression of medical technologies is more noticeable than any era. This development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
direct results on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we can spend more time with our beloved ones and be less worried about losing them.
Furthermore
, we could seek wisdom from our seniors in universities of workplaces.
For instance
, if Stephen Hawking
was born
in 18th century, he would be dead by the age of 30.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
doctors could save him for almost 70 years and the whole world have
been effected
by his achievements.
In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer, the researchers would
be motivated
to find new ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. This kind of innovations will affect other parts of health system too.

While scientists are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer, the economists have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives. They have suggested that the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to serious economic issues. Financial experts believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderlies
need more social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
services and
they are responsible for occupying medical facilities.
For example
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chronic diseases like diabetes or heart problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
medicines for the rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
Did you mean "these"?
this
costs have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on economics.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
they are not able to do their duties to the society in return.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is more beneficial when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more longer.
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IELTS essay Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of increasing in life expectancy in many countries around the world and write your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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