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Do you agree or disagree the children spend time to internet

the children spend time to internet RWEep
I understand this subject that, child spend time to computer and they are passactive. i think condition of society is one reason. some people were land lorad ،when the children went to out home they knew their neighbors. they had security but people are tenant, we cant know that maybe they hurt to our children. other reason is that some mother were houswife and had time to spend with their children. but parent are business today. they are always at work, when they come back to home they are tired and have not energy to spend with children. child need to childhood so they spend time in network and chating withe other guys. I think condition society and family are two important reason. my suggestion is that we cant change society condition but we can set time of our work. for example set times for children and listen to their speech. when we go to home dont speake about work. and dont forget that we were children a pastime too.
I understand this subject that, child
spend
time
to
computer and
they are
passactive
.
i
think
condition of society is one reason.
some
people
were land
lorad
،when
the
children
went to out home they knew their neighbors.
they
had security
but
people
are tenant, we
cant
know that maybe they hurt to our
children
.
other
reason is that
some
mother were
houswife
and had
time
to
spend
with their
children
.
but
parent are business
today
.
they
are always at work, when they
come
back to home they
are tired
and have not energy to
spend
with
children
.
child
need to childhood
so
they
spend
time
in network and
chating
withe other guys. I
think
condition society and family are two
important
reason.
my
suggestion is that we
cant
change
society condition
but
we can set
time
of our work.
for
example set
times
for
children
and listen to their speech.
when
we
go to home
dont
speake
about work.
and
dont
forget that we were
children
a pastime too.
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IELTS essay the children spend time to internet

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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