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Crime is a big problem in the world. Many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Crime is a big problem in the world. Many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. 0BLDG
Crime is dangerous issue in the earth. Many people think that nothing can be done to stop it. I totally disagree this thought because everything is possible except death. It becames as a result of some problems. For example, some unemployment and lack of money rises rapidly after that some people have got to some crimes such as robbery, murders and some tricks. First of all, the government should supply some jobs for joblessness and should support some poor people. By giving some beneficial jobs for people, many crimes are decreased enormously enough day by day and countries' economy also is increased sharply. Secondly, the administration should control police, they should develop this job and the government should lay down the law for crimes, they should also restrict take the law into their own hand, In order to it, crimes are declined rapidly. But some people don't want work and they want to earn money easily because of it. They do everything for finding money. The government only can send them to prison for their crimes. They have no alternative to do it. In conclusion, I totally believe that crimes can be reduced by government's efforts and also can be completely controlled by making some major changes in the police force. In addition, they must ensure fair opportunities for everybody in terms of education, training and work. If they can improve life quality for everyone, the crime will be gone down dramatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
issue in the earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nothing can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it. I
totally
disagree this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything is possible except death. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
becames
as a result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unemployment and lack of money rises
rapidly
after that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as robbery, murders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tricks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs for joblessness and should support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are decreased
enormously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
day by day and countries' economy
also
is increased
sharply
.
Secondly
, the administration should control police, they should develop this job and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should lay down the law for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, they should
also
restrict take the law into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hand, In order to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are declined
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't want
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they want to earn money
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it. They do everything for finding money. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to prison for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. They have no alternative to do it.
In conclusion
, I
totally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's efforts and
also
can be completely controlled by making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the police force.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
opportunities for everybody in terms of education, training and work. If they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
life quality for everyone, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
will
be gone
down
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dramatically
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IELTS essay Crime is a big problem in the world. Many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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