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Married women should not pursue a career

Married women should not pursue a career 7p2A5
"Married women should not pursue a career” is a controversial topic even today. I disagree with this statement, because married women are now entitled to work like men, and gender-based employment discrimination has been eliminated. First, the extra income women earn will help with their household expenses. By working, the wife will have the income to support themselves, to do what they want, and be able to help their parents. This is indeed necessary when the husband's salary is low and it is currently difficult to find a good job. Besides, women pursuing a career will also bear the family a cost and can also help the husband to improve at work, will be supported by the woman and correct his shortcomings; if both are the same profession. Second, women will also not have to rely on men, can have a private and comfortable life, not rely on men's money, and also won't let men work hard outside. These women will set a good example for their children. So, there is no doubt that they play the role of mother and wife better. Last but not least, there are many support conditions today that help women balance housework and work. Also to the government's policy of restricting the sharing of household chores between families and husbands All in all, a well-organized home does not must a housewife to be present all day, and a married woman can go to work and enjoy a working life outside the home. In this 21st century, even if we see racism now, the word equality doesn't mean anything. Women today are no less than men, and even in this male-dominated society, the growth of women in almost every field has been impressive
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not pursue a career” is a controversial topic even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
entitled to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, and gender-based employment discrimination has
been eliminated
.

First
, the extra income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
earn will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with their household expenses. By working, the wife will have the income to support themselves, to do what they want, and be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their parents. This is
indeed
necessary when the husband's salary is low and it is
currently
difficult to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
pursuing a career will
also
bear the family a cost and can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the husband to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, will
be supported
by the woman and correct his shortcomings; if both are the same profession.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will
also
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, can have a private and comfortable life, not rely on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's money, and
also
won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
outside. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for their children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is no doubt that they play the role of mother and wife better.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
support conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
balance housework and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's policy of restricting the sharing of household chores between families and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
husbands


All in all, a well-organized home does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
a housewife to be present all day, and a married woman can go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and enjoy a working life outside the home. In this 21st century, even if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
racism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the word equality doesn't mean anything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are no less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, and even in this male-dominated society, the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in almost every field has been
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
impressive

IELTS essay Married women should not pursue a career

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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