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Countries with Along app which working time are more economical stressful than those countries which do not have a long working time to what extent do you agree or disagree

Countries with Along app which working time are more economical stressful than those countries which do not have a long working time doogE
A nation can become developed region by increasing the number of hours of any work rather than average time. In many point of you, I am a strong advocate against this approach due to number of issue which can be seen on both society and health, will be demonstrated in further content of the eassy. First reason, to begin with, why the time should be average for every worker is development of health decrease. To explicated It, if not only can it lead to stress on the contrary also cause the health issues such as; heart disease, fat and many more. Thus, it increases the rate of death by these dilemmas. For instance, a study in 2017 revealed by World Health Organisation that almost 63% people have these kind of disease due to working overtime in India. Another factor may also seen on society because it can lead to unemployment in the society. This is due to the fact that if a person worked for a long time than other have no opportunity to work in the same company thereby they cannot get palatable job. The time of working must be limited, besides that, we have another way to reach at the peak of development. Firstly, company should use a shift-structure in order to decrease the unemployment, which is become a colossal dilemma among the people, to a great extend. To elaborate it, time must be limited instead of overtime. I mean to say that company should arrange a schedule in which half worker do job in the day for 8 to 10 hour and another at the night. A study published by Sydney University of Australia in 2017 that approximately 23% organization use this technique for arriving at peak level, to exemplify. Secondly, companies should be opened by the authority in which employers can get a reasonaln job and earn the palatable money for the better future along with increasing the income of country. In conclusion, the period of the working should be limited by which people can take rest and live healthy life. Also, another step must be taken by Law maker to reduce unemployment and increase economic level of country.
A nation can become developed region by increasing the number of hours of any work
rather
than average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In
Possible agreement error. The noun point seems to be countable; consider using: "many points".
many point
of you, I am a strong advocate against this approach due to number of issue which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on both society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, will
be demonstrated
in
further
content of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eassy
.
First
reason, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be average for every worker is development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
decrease. To explicated It, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can it lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the contrary
also
cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as; heart disease,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Thus
, it increases the rate of death by these dilemmas.
For instance
, a study in 2017 revealed by World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
that almost 63%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of disease due to working overtime in India. Another factor may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can lead to unemployment in the society.
This is due to the fact that
if a person worked for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than other have no opportunity to work in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
thereby they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
palatable job. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be limited
,
besides
that, we have another way to reach at the peak of development.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a shift-structure in order to decrease the unemployment, which
is become
a colossal dilemma among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to a great
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
. To elaborate it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be limited
instead
of overtime. I mean to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should arrange a schedule in which half worker do job in the day for 8 to 10
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
and another at the night. A study published by Sydney University of Australia in 2017 that approximately 23%
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this technique for arriving at peak level, to exemplify.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
be opened
by the authority in which employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonaln
job and earn the palatable money for the better future along with increasing the income of country.
In conclusion
, the period of the working should
be limited
by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can take rest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy life.
Also
, another step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by Law maker to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment and increase economic level of country.
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IELTS essay Countries with Along app which working time are more economical stressful than those countries which do not have a long working time

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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