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Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome? rJnk
First and foremost, there today's world is facing lots of diverse problems because of the accelerated amount of population. As a result of this, to make a place for habitat or a home for living, people do construction works and build new apartments. This is done by chopping down the trees which leads to deforestation and severe climatic changes. For instance, the expansion of glaciers due to the depletion of ozone layer in the atmosphere in the Arctic region. Furthermore, the reduced of rate of employment among the youngsters is a growing concern around the world. The authorities and the concerned government has to find possible solutions to mitigate such problems. As a result of that they will be well supported with stable financial income.
First
and foremost, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is facing lots of diverse problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the accelerated amount of population.
As a result
of this, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a place for habitat or a home for living,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do construction works and build new apartments. This
is done
by chopping down the trees which leads to deforestation and severe climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For instance
, the expansion of glaciers due to the depletion of ozone layer in the atmosphere in the Arctic region.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
of rate of employment among the youngsters is a growing concern around the world. The authorities and the concerned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
find possible solutions to mitigate such problems.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of that they will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well supported
with stable financial income.

IELTS essay Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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