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Countries around the world will be faced by significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problem will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcomed? v.1

Countries around the world will be faced by significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problem will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcomed? v. 1
It has been argued that, nations across the globe will experience worries relating to education, population and not only environmental issues in isolation. This essay will consider the challenges to be encountered in my country (Nigeria) within the next decade, before proposing a possible solution to the challenges. Perhaps, the most important challenge to be faced in by my nation within the next decade is the issue of overpopulation. This is the difference in childbirth and death rate. This difficulty will result in an increase in the poverty level, crime rates and a decrease in the welfare of the populace. For example, the world bank proposed that the populations of Nigeria will be over a billion by 2030 due to the increased in uncontrolled and unmonitored birth rate in my fatherland. Also, the mess of brain draining in my motherland. This is the migration of field experts out of the territories, leaving behind the quacks to attend to pressing issues. For instance, Nigeria Medical Association (NMA) along with Nigeria Bureau of Statistics (NBS) said, at least 5 medical doctors leaves Nigeria every one minute while proposing that by 2031, there will be no professional medical practitioners left in Nigeria. Fortunately, however, there are many promising solutions to the drawbacks mentioned above. First of all, effective implementation and enforcement of family planning can help to curb the impending setback of overpopulation. For instance, enacting laws that encourage the use of family planning and forbids families from giving birth to more than three children just like it was enforced in China. Secondly, providing quality service condition with high wages will undoubtedly reduce the rate of migration of professional out of the country. For example, an IT engineer who left Nigeria because of low wages and poor working environment will have no reason to leave if he/she has a wage and the working state is almost equal to that of the homeland he's migrating to. In conclusion, with the setback of overpopulation and brain drain previously suggested as the main challenges to be faced by my birthplace over the next decade, I will recommend that, family planning be implemented effectively and enforced and also provision of quality mode service be made available to avert the impending predicaments
It has
been argued
that, nations across the globe will experience worries relating to education, population and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
environmental issues in isolation. This essay will consider the challenges to
be encountered
in my country (Nigeria) within the
next
decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
proposing a possible solution to the challenges.

Perhaps, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
challenge to
be faced
in by my nation within the
next
decade is the issue of overpopulation. This is the difference in childbirth and death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. This difficulty will result in an increase in the poverty level, crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and a decrease in the welfare of the populace.
For example
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
proposed that the populations of Nigeria will be over a billion by 2030 due to the increased in uncontrolled and unmonitored birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in my fatherland.
Also
, the mess of brain draining in my motherland. This is the migration of field experts out of the territories, leaving behind the quacks to attend to pressing issues.
For instance
, Nigeria Medical Association (NMA) along with Nigeria Bureau of Statistics (NBS) said, at least 5 medical doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
Nigeria every one minute while proposing that by 2031, there will be no professional medical practitioners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in Nigeria.

Fortunately
,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
promising solutions to the drawbacks mentioned above.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, effective implementation and enforcement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curb the impending setback of overpopulation.
For instance
, enacting laws that encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning and forbids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
from giving birth to more than three children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like it
was enforced
in China.
Secondly
, providing quality service condition with high wages will
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of migration of professional out of the country.
For example
, an IT engineer who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Nigeria
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low wages and poor working environment will have no reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
if he/she has a wage and the working state is almost equal to that of the homeland he's migrating to.

In conclusion
, with the setback of overpopulation and brain drain previously suggested as the main challenges to
be faced
by my birthplace over the
next
decade, I will recommend that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
planning
be implemented
effectively
and enforced and
also
provision of quality mode service
be made
available to avert the impending predicaments
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries around the world will be faced by significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problem will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcomed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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