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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v.11

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 11
Many countries are becoming identical in terms of products available to consumers. In my opinion, it is a positive development, and is beneficial to everyone in the society. Firstly, with the availability of global brands worldwide, such as Pizza Hut, people do not have to spend a fortune to consume international foods brand or to buy branded clothes. This means that even middle class people can now afford to purchase, as they are available in the local retail. Because of globalisation, local companies get equal opportunity to cater their product worldwide. As a result, more job opportunities are created. For instance, renowned sports firm, such as Nike and Adidas, manufacture and distribute identical products around the world, providing employment, to the society, particularly in the field of retail, logistics and operation, and in turn increasing their market share and revenue. Secondly, it may assist in regulating the prices in the trade and may ensure fair competition amongst the firm. This is because, with the presence of global brands, local producers would not enjoy their monopoly in the market. In other words, to attract more consumers the prices will be very competitive. For instance, the research conducted by the University of Arizona, states that the prices of grocery decreased by 25% in some urban areas of United States with the establishment of supermarket industries. Finally, with the presence of some products around the world, people may get to know about the different culture, in the form of food and clothes, which was earlier not possible. As a result, there may be a better understanding amongst them. In conclusion, I believe that there are many positive aspects of nation having similar market in terms of products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are becoming identical in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available to consumers. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, and is beneficial to everyone in the society.

Firstly
, with the availability of global brands worldwide, such as Pizza Hut,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend a fortune to consume international foods brand or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded clothes. This means that even middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, as they are available in the local retail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal opportunity to cater their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
worldwide.
As a result
, more job opportunities
are created
.
For instance
, renowned sports firm, such as Nike and Adidas, manufacture and distribute identical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
around the world, providing employment, to the society,
particularly
in the field of retail, logistics and operation, and in turn increasing their market share and revenue.

Secondly
, it may assist in regulating the prices in the trade and may ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
competition amongst the firm. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, with the presence of global brands, local producers would not enjoy their monopoly in the market.
In other words
, to attract more consumers the prices will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive.
For instance
, the research conducted by the University of Arizona, states that the prices of grocery decreased by 25% in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
urban areas
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
with the establishment of supermarket industries.
Finally
, with the presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
around the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture, in the form of food and clothes, which was earlier not possible.
As a result
, there may be a better understanding amongst them.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of nation having similar market in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is positive or negative development? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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