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convince people that tourism is the best solutions for your city

convince people that tourism is the best solutions for your city GwE3o
Good morning everyone and welcome to my presentation. First of all, let me thank you all for coming here today. Let me start by saying just a few words about my team. . . . . . What I’d like to present to you today is the benefits of tourism for our city. The purpose of this presentation is to convince people that tourism is the best solution for our city. Today’s topic is of particular interest to those of you who have to stay at home for too long due to distance, want to take a trip to relieve stress but do not know what is the benefit of tourism at this moment for our city? The main reason is that the tourism industry is considered a significant source of revenue. After a period of economic shutdown due to Covid, this is the time when our city should promote tourism development because the number of tourists at the time after the gap will be very large, thanks to the impact of being too bored to stay at home. As a result, the amount of money our city collects from tourists will be a lot. As well as, the second reason is that tourism plays a key role in economic growth by providing job opportunities, encouraging regional development, increasing foreign exchange earnings, and enhancing a higher standard of living for local communities. The increase in jobs will come with the increase in investment. That means young people will have more opportunities to work in an international environment, where everything is more dynamic and professional. Last but not least, those benefits of tourism are not only for the city but also for the national economy. For example, many international tourists come to our city and feel that Vietnam is a good environment for economic development, thereby promoting international understanding and cooperation among nations. In short, our city should promote tourism because of its remarkable benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
morning everyone and welcome to my presentation.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me thank you all for coming here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by saying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few words about my team.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


What I’d like to present to you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
for our city. The purpose of this presentation is to convince
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is the best solution for our city.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s topic is of particular interest to those of you who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay at home for too long due to distance, want to take a trip to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not know what is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
at this moment for our city?

The main reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry
is considered
a significant source of revenue. After a period of economic shutdown due to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
, this is the time when our city should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the number of tourists at the time after the gap will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large, thanks to the impact of being too bored to stay at home.
As a result
, the amount of money our city collects from tourists will be a lot.

As well
as, the second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
plays a key role in economic growth by providing job opportunities, encouraging regional development, increasing foreign exchange earnings, and enhancing a higher standard of living for local communities. The increase in jobs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with the increase in investment. That means young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have more opportunities to work in an international environment, where everything is more dynamic and professional.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the national economy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our city and feel that Vietnam is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for economic development, thereby promoting international understanding and cooperation among nations.

In short, our city should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
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IELTS essay convince people that tourism is the best solutions for your city

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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