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Contemporarily, simultaneously managing career and family life is one of the tough issues which have a problem. Most people are more enthusiastic about their career and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such problems, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. First and foremost, problems arise when people are not interested home and they focus mainly on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already modified from their family to office. After that, if people concentrate only on their career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental and physically weakness. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists and it was found that stress is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family members establ

Contemporarily, simultaneously managing career and family life is one of the tough issues which have a problem. Most people are more enthusiastic about their career and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such problems, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. First and foremost, problems arise when people are not interested home and they focus mainly on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already modified from their family to office. After that, if people concentrate only on their career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental and physically weakness. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists and it was found that stress is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family members establ g55Wl
Contemporarily, simultaneously managing career and family life is one of the tough issues which have a problem. Most people are more enthusiastic about their career and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such problems, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. First and foremost, problems arise when people are not interested home and they focus mainly on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already modified from their family to office. After that, if people concentrate only on their career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental and physically weakness. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists and it was found that stress is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family members establish an desirable impression on their lives. The most significant solution is people can take some time off from the workplace for going on a furlough, which can also help the person to stay happy and healthy. As an illustration, it was published in the American Mental Journal that when a person is happy, serotonin hormone is released in the body which minimizes the stress levels and promotes good health. In brief, it seems that the main problems caused both focusing only on career and generating a chronic illness and psychological stress, and solutions should involve maintaining life-balance by adjustment and cooperation with family and going on vacation
Contemporarily
,
simultaneously
managing career and family life is one of the tough

issues which have a problem. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more enthusiastic about their career

and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such

problems, and
also
two possible counter-measures we could take.

First
and foremost, problems arise when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they

focus
mainly
on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already

modified from their family to office. After that, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their

career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental

and
physically
weakness.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by America scientists

and it
was found
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is the prime cause of hair loss among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and

women.

Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate

time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family

members establish
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
desirable impression on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The most significant solution

is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off from the workplace for going on a furlough, which

can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person to stay happy and healthy. As an illustration, it
was published


in the American Mental Journal that when a person is happy, serotonin hormone
is released
in the body which minimizes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels and promotes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

In brief
, it seems that the main problems caused both focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on career and

generating a chronic illness and psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and solutions should involve

maintaining life-balance by adjustment and cooperation with family and going on

vacation
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IELTS essay Contemporarily, simultaneously managing career and family life is one of the tough issues which have a problem. Most people are more enthusiastic about their career and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such problems, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. First and foremost, problems arise when people are not interested home and they focus mainly on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already modified from their family to office. After that, if people concentrate only on their career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental and physically weakness. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists and it was found that stress is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family members establ

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Contemporarily, simultaneously managing career and family life is one of the tough issues which have a problem. Most people are more enthusiastic about their career and maintaining healthy and happy lifestyle at the same time. I will outline two such problems, and also two possible counter-measures we could take. First and foremost, problems arise when people are not interested home and they focus mainly on their career advance. This means that their curiosity have already modified from their family to office. After that, if people concentrate only on their career, they generate a chronic diseases and psychological distress which lead mental and physically weakness. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists and it was found that stress is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Regarding possible solutions, to maintain a life-balance by spending appropriate time and attentions on both sides. Either regulation or collaboration with family members establ