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With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem? RNN0V
More animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat because of deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting moreover some are even threatened to the point of extinction. In my opinion its paramount to protect animals. the next paragraph describes the importance of animals and how to deal with the problem. Firstly, The animals are important in the environment because all species are connected with each other in the ecosystem. If anyone of the species vanished from environment aswellas it is effected to other species also. So that it's paramount to protect animals. Secondly, the animals are using for medical experiments such as in case the scientists create a new medicine for any disease whereas during that time the scientists wants to test this medicine anyone of living species. if their give this medicine to the animals its helps to identify the medicine good or bad. Further more, the people can take some measures to deals with the problem. Firstly, The human being can give a proper habitat with help of planting trees. As a animal forest is the best place for living. The forest gives food and shelter for the animals. Secondly, the government should take a proper rule against illegal hunting of animals such as if the people hunting the animals for a fun its causes to reduce the animal strength in the environment. In conclusion, In my opinion animals is important because all species linked with each other in the ecosystem and the animals helps to the medical purpose whereas to measures the animals the people should plants the trees and the government should take a proper action against illegal hunting.
More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of deforestation, urban development and illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are even threatened to the point of extinction. In my opinion
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
paramount to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
next
paragraph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and how to deal with the problem.

Firstly
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all species
are connected
with each other in the ecosystem.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
anyone of the species vanished from environment
Possible spelling mistake found.
aswellas
it
is effected
to other species
also
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
it's paramount to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are using for medical experiments such as in case the scientists create a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
for any disease whereas during that time the scientists wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
anyone of living species.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
their give this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Further
more, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to deals with the problem.
Firstly
, The human being can give a proper habitat with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of planting trees. As
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
forest is the best place for living. The forest gives food and shelter for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take a proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
against illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for a fun its causes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
strength in the environment.

In conclusion
, In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all species linked with each other in the ecosystem and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the medical purpose whereas to measures the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "plant"
plants
the trees and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take a proper action against illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
.
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IELTS essay With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?