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consequences of greediness

consequences of greediness K08lR
once, a rich woman lived in a fine house, given to her by her parents. over time, her health deteriorated and so did her eyesight. ultimately, she became blind. when thus happened, the lady decided to call in a doctor to see if she could still be cured. when the doctor came to her house to check her, he noticed that the furniture in the house was very expensive and antique. he bargained with the lady that if she was cured she would pay him a considerable amount of money, if she was not she would pay him nothing. with this in mind, the doctor came to her home daily and gave her several medicines. then the doctor started bringing her the wrong medicine and avoided fully curing her. this was because, everyday he came to her house, he would take some of her furniture with him. and so, he avoided curing her till he had all that he wanted. after two months, at last he cured her then immediately started demanding his fees. after looking around her house to test her eyesight, the lady refused to pay and said that it was because the cure was not complete. the doctor, in anger, brought a court case on her. the judge listened to the story from the doctor's point of view and then asked the lady why she would pay the doctor. her response was her sight was not fully restored as she could not see all her furniture where it should have been. after hearing this, the judge realised exactly what the doctor had done and gave the verdict in the lady's favour
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
once
, a rich woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to her by her parents.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
over
time, her health deteriorated and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
did her eyesight.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ultimately
, she became blind.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
thus
happened, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lady
decided to call in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if she could
still
be cured
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
came to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
her, he noticed that the furniture in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and antique.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
bargained with the
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lady
that if she
was cured
she would
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pay
him a considerable amount of money, if she was not she would
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pay
him nothing.
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with
this in mind, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
came to her home daily and gave her several medicines.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
then
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
bringing her the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
medicine and avoided
fully
curing her.
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this
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, everyday he came to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, he would take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of her furniture with him.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, he avoided curing her till he had all that he wanted.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
two months, at last he cured her then immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
demanding his fees.
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after
looking around her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
her eyesight, the
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lady
refused to
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pay
and said that it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cure was not complete.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, in anger, brought a court case on her.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
judge listened to the story from the doctor's point of view and then asked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lady
why she would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
her
response was her sight was not
fully
restored as she could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all her furniture where it should have been.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
hearing this, the judge
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
exactly what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
had done and gave the verdict in the lady's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
favour
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IELTS essay consequences of greediness

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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