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Consecuences of retail therapy

Consecuences of retail therapy Gwa8Q
Consumerism is a common phenomenon in most developed countries in which shopping has become rather an entertainment activity than a needful one. The discussion about this topic relies in whether is it negative or positive for people. As scientific evidence had shown, buying things excessively without a defined purpose jeopardize physical and economic human situation. Retail industry has fell under the avaricious claws of consumerism in those nations, which provokes several issues among their inhabitants. People have developed some disorders related to shopping that threatened their mind as well as their pocket. For instance, they spent huge amounts of money in retail therapy, buying uncontrollably all kinds of products they actually do not need just to improve their psychological state. Consequently, they have turned into compulsive buyers, what makes them feel compelled to purchase lots of goods in order to satisfy their craving. This condition has been aggravated by the marketing industry, which only goal consists of persuading people to consume every penny they own in the most insignificant items. In addition, some studies revealed that even more money is expended every day when credit cards are used as method of payment. Therefore, purchasing frenziedly causes not just serious damage to human beings’ health, as it generates a sort of addiction in their brain, but also affects negatively their financial situation. On the whole, shopping should be perceived as an essential human necessity instead of consider it as a barely way of entertainment because of the remarkable side effects obsessive shopping might produce.
Consumerism is a common phenomenon in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
rather
an entertainment activity than a needful one. The discussion about this topic
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relies on".
relies
in whether is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As scientific evidence had shown, buying things
excessively
without a defined purpose jeopardize physical and economic human situation.

Retail industry has
Use the past participle "fallen", "felled" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
fell
under the avaricious claws of consumerism in those nations, which provokes several issues among their inhabitants.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disorders related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
that threatened their mind
as well
as their pocket.
For instance
, they spent huge amounts of money in retail therapy, buying
uncontrollably
all kinds of products they actually do not need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their psychological state.
Consequently
, they have turned into compulsive buyers, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel compelled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in order to satisfy their craving. This condition has
been aggravated
by the marketing industry, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal consists of persuading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consume every penny they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in the most insignificant items.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies revealed that even more money
is expended
every day when credit cards are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as method of payment.
Therefore
, purchasing
frenziedly
causes not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
serious damage to human beings’ health, as it generates a sort of addiction in their brain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affects
negatively
their financial situation.

On the whole
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
should
be perceived
as an essential human necessity
instead
of consider it as a
You used an adverb ('barely') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('way') instead of another adjective.
barely way
of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the remarkable side effects obsessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
might produce.
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IELTS essay Consecuences of retail therapy

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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