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Conducting sports event such as Olympics or World Cup encourage people to live healthy, while some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.2

Conducting sports event such as Olympics or World Cup encourage people to live healthy, while some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. v. 2
Distinct ways to become healthy is increasingly popular. It is often argued that arranging sports event is the only way forward for people to live healthier lives, I think people also have additional options to opt to become fit. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why other options are helpful. To commence with, there are numerous means to opt-in order to become stronger. Firstly, it is generally held notion that people could join health clubs, this is due to the fact that they have qualified trainers which can guide the newcomers properly. In addition to that, most of the clubs have very convenient and flexible timing; therefore, people could take admission in accordance with their availability. A recent article suggests that 70% of jobholders would like to opt for evening classes due to their work commitments. Secondly, it is widely claimed that a healthy diet which includes an appropriate proportion of meat, vegetable, beans, and milk could be another way forward for people to live healthy lives. For example, several studies attest to the fact that a balanced-healthy diet help to prevent diseases consequently, people can stay strong and healthy. On the other hand, there is a certain persuasive argument in favor of arranging sports event. It is generally claimed that organizing events such as World Cup attract a large audience because of media coverage and international recognition. Due to this, people would give preference to participate in these events to live healthily. In conclusion, I am of the view that joining health clubs and taking care of balance-diet are the easy ways to become healthy rather than participating in an event which required a unique skill and dedicated time.
Distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
is
increasingly
popular. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that arranging sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
forward for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
have additional options to opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
fit. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide evidence as to why other options are helpful.

To commence with, there are numerous means to opt-in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
stronger.
Firstly
, it is
generally
held notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
health clubs,
this is due to the fact that
they have qualified trainers which can guide the newcomers
properly
.
In addition
to that, most of the clubs have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and flexible timing;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could take admission in accordance with their availability. A recent article suggests that 70% of jobholders would like to opt for evening classes due to their work commitments.
Secondly
, it is
widely
claimed that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet which includes an appropriate proportion of meat, vegetable, beans, and milk could be another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
forward for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For example
, several studies attest to the fact that a balanced-healthy diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
diseases
consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay strong and healthy.

On the other hand
, there is a certain persuasive argument in favor of arranging sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. It is
generally
claimed that organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as World Cup attract a large audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of media coverage and international recognition. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would give preference to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
healthily
.

In conclusion
, I am of the view that joining health clubs and taking care of balance-diet are the easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
rather
than participating in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which required a unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and dedicated time.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Conducting sports event such as Olympics or World Cup encourage people to live healthy, while some people indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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