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Concert in music and art should be compulsory for student in high school? Do you agree or disagree with the idea?

Concert in music and art should be compulsory for student in high school? with the idea? YmReV
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's word is a colossal upsurge in the number of people believing that music and art to be compulsory in high school. There is a widespread worry that this will only lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life. However, I do not entirely accept this and I will explain why in this essay. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that interest is the key factor which encourages research, discovery and innovations, can not only contribute to the success and the performance of the student becomes better. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only can one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can also enhance the productivity and quality of their lives with much ease, efficacy and convenience. Needless to say all these merits stand one in good stead, as far as augmenting their chance of prosperity and excellence is concerned. Another pivotal aspect of the aforementioned proposition is that it is only like to help one thrive and excel in varied areas. Besides, one when follows such a system, can broaden their horizons, thus learning such essential attributes as dedication, responsibility and perseverance. Hence, it is apparent why plethora are in favour of music and art are the two subjects related with natural talent of a student which is not common. In view of the arguments outlined above one can conclude that the benefits of making music and art necessary subjects are indeed too great to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's word is a colossal upsurge in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing that music and art to be compulsory in high school. There is a widespread worry that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
lead to a myriad of concerns in one's life.
However
, I do not
entirely
accept this and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

There are a number of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that interest is the key factor which encourages research, discovery and innovations, can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
contribute to the success and the performance of the student becomes better. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
can one benefit more when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to being effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
enhance the productivity and quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, efficacy and convenience. Needless to say all these merits stand one in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead, as far as augmenting their chance of prosperity and excellence
is concerned
.

Another pivotal aspect of the aforementioned proposition is that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
, one when follows such a system, can broaden their horizons,
thus
learning such essential attributes as dedication, responsibility and perseverance.
Hence
, it is apparent why plethora are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of music and art are the two subjects related with natural talent of a student which is not common.

In view of the arguments outlined above one can conclude that the benefits of making music and art necessary subjects are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay Concert in music and art should be compulsory for student in high school? with the idea?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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