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Computers have made the world a better place. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Computers have made the world a better place. with this statement? v. 1
The technological advances have simplified our world than ever before, and computers are the key factor in such a trend. I completely agree that computers are an essential part of our modern world, and this essay will further explain why information technology, robotics, and data processing are our present and future. Firstly, if it were not for automation, several means of transportation would never exist. Airplanes are a prime example. While 100 years ago travellers suffered from moving from one place to another, it has not been easier than today to travel around the globe. In another world, autopilots and electronic devices and components inside planes made it possible to conquer the barriers and to ease our lives in travelling. Another revolutionary outcome of computers is 3D printing, which will revolutionize the world in the coming 20 years, according to an article published in The Times. This technology will provide us with replaceable organs for human surgeries, help us build complete villages in days, and to copy every hard element in our world to be printed with just a click. It is believed that without computers, our world would never become the same as we see now. Secondly, computers gave everyone the ability to communicate and to globalize. Having seen governments and private companies, such as Google and Facebook, trying to spread the use of technology, internet, and electronic devices, the world is derived into a more computerized one. This is advantageous because the more data computers process, the more governments, and companies can provide useful services. For example, hospitals that record their patients’ data electronically can predict certain diseases according to a patient’s habits and history. This shows that data processing through computers can save lives. In conclusion, it is clear to me that technological advances through computers made our lives easier and more convenient. That is why I totally agree that we have a better world today because of them.
The technological advances have simplified our
Use "(world)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
world
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and computers are the key factor in such a trend. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computers are an essential part of our modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and this essay will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why information technology, robotics, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
processing are our present and future.

Firstly
, if it were not for automation, several means of transportation would never exist. Airplanes are a prime example. While 100 years ago
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
suffered from moving from one place to another, it has not been easier than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to travel around the globe. In another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, autopilots and electronic devices and components inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
made it possible to conquer the barriers and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in travelling. Another revolutionary outcome of computers is 3D printing, which will revolutionize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in the coming 20 years, according to an article published in The Times. This technology will provide us with replaceable organs for human surgeries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us build complete villages in days, and to copy every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
element in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
be printed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click. It
is believed
that without computers, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would never become the same as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Secondly
, computers gave everyone the ability to communicate and to globalize. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, such as Google and Facebook, trying to spread the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology, internet, and electronic devices, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is derived
into a more computerized one. This is advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
computers process, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can provide useful services.
For example
, hospitals that record their patients’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
electronically
can predict certain diseases according to a patient’s habits and history. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
processing through computers can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me that technological advances through computers made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier and more convenient.
That is
why I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers have made the world a better place. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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