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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement High school students should wear uniforms to schools v.1

High school students should wear uniforms to schools v. 1
In a world where some jobs do not require physical existence, it has become a trend to work from home. It is argued that working on distance has demerits, however, I believe that the world is heading to a future where offices would be an old fashion. Both views will be discussed in the following lines. On the one hand, people who believe that working on distance is not as practical as traditional employment argue that any work should involve real human interaction and supervision, and working from home does not provide that. While some jobs could be accomplished via the Internet, the incapacity to provide real-time instructions and urgent meeting is considered a huge disadvantage. Opponents of working from home are usually old fashion managers and owners who believe that if an employee is entitled to this advantage, others may ask for the same flexibility. Therefore, it is understood why some disagree with working on distance. On the other hand, the current market is pointing out that the future is opened to working remotely, and old-fashioned working hours and conditions will be vanished due to the huge dependence on freelancing, flexibility and mobility. For example, a documentary produced by the CBC network unveils that the number of freelancing jobs in the Canadian market is about to reach 40% of the total employment number. Despite the fact that jobs that require handwork cannot be switched to the new trend, other office jobs are slowly switching to less physical existence. Thus, I am of the belief that the future market requires flexibility and mobility which allows for more freelancing. In conclusion, working from home is a debated topic and some think that employees should be monitored and supervised directly. However, the current market offers great opportunities for individuals to work on distance. I once again reaffirm my position that I agree with the latter opinion.
In a world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not require physical existence, it has become a trend to work from home. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on distance has demerits,
however
, I believe that the world is heading to a future where offices would be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion. Both views will
be discussed
in the following lines.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on distance is not as practical as traditional employment argue that any work should involve real human interaction and supervision, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home does not provide that. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could
be accomplished
via the Internet, the incapacity to provide real-time instructions and urgent meeting
is considered
a huge disadvantage. Opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion managers and owners who believe that if an employee
is entitled
to this advantage, others may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the same flexibility.
Therefore
, it
is understood
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on distance.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is pointing out that the future
is opened
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
remotely
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and conditions will
be vanished
due to the huge dependence on freelancing, flexibility and mobility.
For example
, a documentary produced by the CBC network unveils that the number of freelancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is about to reach 40% of the total employment number. Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that require handwork cannot
be switched
to the new trend, other office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
slowly
switching to less physical existence.
Thus
, I am of the belief that the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
requires flexibility and mobility which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for more freelancing.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home is a debated topic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that employees should
be monitored
and supervised
directly
.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
offers great opportunities for individuals to work on distance. I once again reaffirm my position that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay High school students should wear uniforms to schools v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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