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Computers have a more positive impact than a negative impact on today's generation. Express your opinion on the same

Computers have a more positive impact than a negative impact on today's generation. Express your opinion on the same 15kJ7
With the advancement of technology and the era of internet, computers have become an increasingly important resource to access information. Although, a few people believe that computers are having a negative impact on today's generation, I strongly believe that the benefits of computers today over-ride its undesirable effects. A research conducted by Harvard University professionals suggests that the use of computers in educational institutions has enhanced childrens' knowledge by 30% as compared to the past decade. For example, affluent young and qualified individuals in the field of information technology have used computers for advancement in various areas, one of which is artificial intelligence. The piece of code, written on these machines, has not only led to the invention of robots but has also given rise to self- driven cars. The social media websites which have made the world a smaller place to live in are accessible on laptops, computers and other such mobile devices. Let us consider the scenario of communication overseas which has become possible in a matter of minutes via social networking. However, one cannot deny that in spite of being an extremely useful gadget for mankind, excess use of computers has led to deteriorating effects on humans. Not only has it affected the eyesight of people, but it has also had devastating impacts on their mental health and well- being. I myself have had a cousin, who has gone through depression because of long hours spent on the computer and reduced human interaction. Overabundance of computer usage is proven to make a person lazy and less productive. Children, today, may spend long hours playing computer games which affects their eyesight as well as productivity. This can be well understood by comparing a child who spends long hours of his day programming and the one who spends a massive amount of time playing games or watching movies. I would like to conclude by stating that the way we use computers in a day to day life decides whether it is a boon or a bane for mankind. The choice is ours to make.
With the advancement of technology and the era of internet, computers have become an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
resource to access information. Although, a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that computers are having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation, I
strongly
believe that the benefits of computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
over-ride its undesirable effects.

Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted by Harvard University professionals suggests that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers in educational institutions has enhanced
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
' knowledge by 30% as compared to the past decade.
For example
, affluent young and qualified individuals in the field of information technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
computers for advancement in various areas, one of which is artificial intelligence. The piece of code, written on these machines, has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
led to the invention of robots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to self- driven cars. The social media websites which have made the world a smaller place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in are accessible on laptops, computers and other such mobile devices.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us consider the scenario of communication overseas which has become possible in a matter of minutes via social networking.

However
, one cannot deny that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being an
extremely
useful gadget for mankind, excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers has led to deteriorating effects on humans. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the eyesight of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
had devastating impacts on their mental health and well- being. I myself have had a cousin, who has gone through depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of long hours spent on the computer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
human interaction. Overabundance of computer usage
is proven
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person lazy and less productive. Children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, may spend long hours playing computer games which affects their eyesight
as well
as productivity. This can be well understood by comparing a child who spends long hours of his day programming and the one who spends a massive amount of time playing games or watching movies.

I would like
to conclude
by stating that the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers in a
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life decides whether it is a boon or a bane for mankind. The choice is ours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
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IELTS essay Computers have a more positive impact than a negative impact on today's generation. Express your opinion on the same

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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