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In the past, two decades, crime has been on the rise. To prevent further increase, criminals should be sentenced longer period of prison time. However, some people say there are alternative ways to control cr

In the past, two decades, crime has been on the rise. To prevent further increase, criminals should be sentenced longer period of prison time. However, some people say there are alternative ways to control cr e5AJJ
Number of criminals in Thailand has been increase significantly compare to the past. People who commit crimes that are locked up in prison sometimes get an excuse for release. It is suggested that longer period of jail-time can decrease crimes while some still think that other punishments should be used. Criminals who commit serious crimes in Thailand such as raping, stealing or amusing will be locked up in jail. However, if these people pay bail, they will be released or if worst case, they will be offered a less time in jail. This causes an unconscious mind to criminals and they might repeat the crime again. Hence, some people think that longer period of prison-time can leads to reduce of criminals as it builds conscious in criminal’s consideration which means they will think more carefully before they act. Nevertheless, another group of people disagree to this opinion. They suggested that plenty other ways can be use to reduce crimes. One ways is that, Thai’s government should add stricter law for criminals such as not excepting bails and make criminals do voluntary works for example, treating older people, this will make criminal knows how difficult others live and also criminals will feel guiltier and thinking that getting away with crimes is not as easy as they think. To conclude, both longer time in jail and stricter law are effective in declining crimes in Thailand. Though, in my opinion, government should be more serious with criminal law so that crimes can be decrease immediately.
Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in Thailand has been increase
significantly
compare to the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that
are locked
up in prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an excuse for release. It
is suggested
that longer period of jail-time can decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that other punishments should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

Criminals who commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in Thailand such as raping, stealing or amusing will
be locked
up in jail.
However
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay bail, they will
be released
or if worst case, they will
be offered
a less time in jail. This causes an unconscious mind to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
criminals and
they might repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that longer period of prison-time can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
as it builds conscious in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal’s
consideration which means they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they act.

Nevertheless
, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree to this opinion. They suggested that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
other ways can be
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "One way", "a way", or simply "ways"?
One ways
is that, Thai’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
stricter law for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
such as not excepting bails and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
do voluntary works
for example
, treating older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
knows how difficult others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will feel guiltier and thinking that getting away with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is not as easy as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

To conclude
, both longer time in jail and stricter law are effective in declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in Thailand. Though, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be more serious with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can be decrease immediately.
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IELTS essay In the past, two decades, crime has been on the rise. To prevent further increase, criminals should be sentenced longer period of prison time. However, some people say there are alternative ways to control cr

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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