Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Computerised data collection on individuals can be justified even though it endangers the rights of individuals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Computerised data collection on individuals can be justified even though it endangers the rights of individuals. PVMqX
There is no doubt that the collecting of computerised data has changed our lives in many way by replacing hard copies with new technology even though it can also unsecure our privacy and more personal stuffs in so many ways. In this essay I will shed some light on this reckaning statement with apt examples. The most obvious advantages of data collection are that in earlier 90's the technology was not that much upgraded and while in companies, government offices, schools, collages and so on data was collected on papers by writing the information while it leads to use more space in offices and more time. Even employees was hired in large numbers, by which companies didn't make that much profit. By the chance of time now we are able to save data computerised on large storage amd less time taking which is more beneficial for both individuals and companies. Its more easy and comfartable to save data with highly protected firewalls, antivirus and pasword protection. Therefore it also have some disadvantages which i can say some individuals can face by missuse of data and privacy although it is secure but hackers have taken places in altenatives of technology or can say misuse of someone personal and private data. Like when it is stored in computer and agencies which are unaurthorized can hack the data and therefore endangers the right of individuals. Information like bank details, Identity proofs, Personal files records, Photographs and so on. It may be out of date or simply wrong. This can seriously affect a person's rights if decisions are made on the basis of false information. However, we cannot ignore the facts that computerised data collection has provided us in day today life such as institution like government departments, private companies, hospitals, schools and so on by keeping the database of organizations to work fast and efficiently. So in my opinion it is more beneficial and esay but it should be highly secured and given approved to only government agencies that can access it safely.
There is no doubt that the collecting of
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
way by replacing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copies with new technology
even though
it can
also
unsecure our privacy and more personal stuffs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. In this essay I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this
Possible spelling mistake found.
reckaning
statement with apt examples. The most obvious advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collection are that in earlier
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90's
the technology was not that much upgraded and while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offices, schools, collages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
was collected
on papers by writing the information while it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more space in offices and more time. Even employees
was hired
in large numbers, by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that much profit. By the chance of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are able to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
on large storage
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
less time taking which is more beneficial for both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Its more easy and
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfartable
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
with
highly
protected firewalls, antivirus and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pasword
protection.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which
Did you mean "I"?
i
can say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals can face by
Possible spelling mistake found.
missuse
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and privacy although it is secure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hackers have taken places in
Possible spelling mistake found.
altenatives
of technology or can say misuse of someone personal and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
. Like when it
is stored
in computer and agencies which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
unaurthorized
can hack the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and
therefore
endangers the right of individuals. Information like bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, Identity proofs,
Did you mean the noun "personnel"?
Personal
files records, Photographs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It may be out of date or
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. This can
seriously
affect a person's rights if decisions
are made
on the basis of false information.

However
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the facts that
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collection has provided us in day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
life such as institution like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
departments, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, hospitals, schools and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on by keeping the database of organizations to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
efficiently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion it is more beneficial and
Possible spelling mistake found.
esay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be
highly
secured and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
approved to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
agencies that can access it
safely
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Computerised data collection on individuals can be justified even though it endangers the rights of individuals.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Computerised data collection on individuals can be justified even though it endangers the rights of individuals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?