Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Compared to the past more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

Compared to the past more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Over the past decades, it is widely believed that there has been a seismic shift in the life-style of younger generations. While some commentators advocate the colour and vibrancy of them, it remains disturbing to the fact that they are now more vulnerable to chronic diseases. The aim of this essay is set to explore the scourge behind their weakened bodies. To begin with, there is ample evidence suggested that the prevalence of fast food shop constitutes one of the culprits of the health problem in the majority of adolescence. Coupled with the eating habit that shaped by the affordability and convenience of fast food catering in these shops, our children has accustomed to consume food that are high in fat and sugar, which in turn emasculate their immunities towards degenerative diseases such as obesity and diabetes. Recent empirical research conducted by the Medical Society ascertained that adults who have frequented in fast food shops have 70% more chances to suffer from aforementioned diseases. Consistent with this line of thinking, the unbalanced diet providing in these shops is likely to weaken the health of junior adults. Meanwhile, another predominant factor to consider is the shortfall of outdoor activities this generation experienced. In fact, the immediacy of communication tools begot by the cutting-edge technology precludes the youngsters from chatting in a direct means, which then translates into an impediment to go hangout with friends. Conducted an extensive study, the Sport Committee established that the utilization of sport facilities owned by both public and private sectors has halved over past five years, whereby the majority of users’ age group has shifted to middle-age. Seen in this light, the immune system of average young generation were deteriorated, and patients of degenerative diseases thus become younger. In conclusion, the observation that more young adults are perplexed by degenerative diseases is likely to be the corollary of hesitation in exercising and inadequate absorption of flourish food. It is predicted that the government will enact any measures to foster the well-being of teenagers in foreseeable future.
Over the past decades, it is
widely
believed that there has been a seismic shift in the life-style of younger generations. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators advocate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and vibrancy of them, it remains disturbing to the fact that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more vulnerable to chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The aim of this essay
is set
to explore the scourge behind their weakened bodies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is ample evidence suggested that the prevalence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
constitutes one of the culprits of the health problem in the majority of adolescence. Coupled with the eating habit that shaped by the affordability and convenience of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
catering in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, our children has accustomed to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar, which in turn emasculate their immunities towards degenerative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as obesity and diabetes. Recent empirical research conducted by the Medical Society ascertained that adults who have frequented in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have 70% more chances to suffer from aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. Consistent with this line of thinking, the unbalanced diet providing in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is likely to weaken the health of junior adults.

Meanwhile, another predominant factor to consider is the shortfall of outdoor activities this generation experienced. In fact, the immediacy of communication tools begot by the cutting-edge technology precludes the youngsters from chatting in a direct means, which then translates into an impediment to go hangout with friends. Conducted an extensive study, the Sport Committee established that the utilization of sport facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by both public and private sectors has halved over past five years, whereby the majority of users’ age group has shifted to middle-age.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
in this light, the immune system of average young generation
were deteriorated
, and patients of degenerative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
thus
become younger.

In conclusion
, the observation that more young adults
are perplexed
by degenerative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is likely to be the corollary of hesitation in exercising and inadequate absorption of flourish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It
is predicted
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will enact any measures to foster the well-being of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in foreseeable future.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Compared to the past more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts