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some people delete that success in life depends on that work and determination

some people delete that success in life depends on that work and determination VPQYK
People are facing the dilemma of whether or not they should have what major factors to become more successful. While some argue that it will be easier if individuals have stable source of finances and good look, I would argue that there are various benefits to achieve that through industrious characteristics and specific goals. On one side of the arguement, there are many who claim that money and their looking play a vital role in career development. The first reason is that money makes people easy to cover everything in life and almost everything has a monetary value these days. For example, startups in the new era cannot fully develop their ideas, so programs to raise capital from sponsors are launched to help turn projects into reality such as expanding the scale or recruiting more human resources. Secondly, the looking also contributes in accomplishment. This is not a major factor to evaluate the personal success but when applying work, some jobs require criteria related to this as public figures including actors, models, singers, MCs, besides their talent, they also have an attractive appearance. Nowadays, more and more artists are choosing plastic surgery to be more beautiful in the eyes of the public and have more contracts to earn for their living. However, I would be inclined to argue against this as I believe that success cannot be achieved without the hard work and determination of individuals. Diligence is the most important factor in success. This can be explained by the fact that Albert Einstein had the adage that genius is only 1% and 99% due to hard work, it emphasizes that to achieve success in a field it is necessary to have this factor. In addition, another essential element is persistence. Failure teaches success has been proven through many billionaires, famous people in the world with persistence to the chosen path, everyone has stumbles even more failures than others. For instance, Apple used to be a small technology company in the US whose founder Steve Jobs in the past was even kicked out of the company. However, without giving up, he turned Apple into a billion dollar technology business and created the Iphone that was and still is a hit that brought the new concept of mobile phones. In conclusion, this essay support for the idea that diligence and perseverance help people come to their desires. Many sayings that have been proven through famous people in various fields partly confirm this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are facing the dilemma of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they should have what major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to become more successful. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it will be easier if individuals have stable source of finances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
look, I would argue that there are various benefits to achieve that through industrious characteristics and specific goals.

On one side of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguement
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who claim that money and their looking play a vital role in career development. The
first
reason is that money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easy to cover everything in life and almost everything has a monetary value these days.
For example
, startups in the new era cannot
fully
develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
programs to raise capital from sponsors
are launched
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
turn projects into reality such as expanding the scale or recruiting more human resources.
Secondly
, the looking
also
contributes in accomplishment. This is not a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to evaluate the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when applying work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs require criteria related to this as public figures including actors, models, singers,
Possible spelling mistake found.
MCs
,
besides
their talent, they
also
have an attractive appearance. Nowadays, more and more artists are choosing plastic surgery to be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
in the eyes of the public and have more contracts to earn for their living.

However
, I would
be inclined
to argue against this as I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
cannot
be achieved
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and determination of individuals. Diligence is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that Albert Einstein had the adage that genius is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% and 99% due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, it emphasizes that to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in a field it is necessary to have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
.
In addition
, another essential element is persistence. Failure teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
has
been proven
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
billionaires,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world with persistence to the chosen path, everyone has stumbles even more failures than others.
For instance
, Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the US whose founder Steve Jobs in the past was even kicked out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
, without giving up, he turned Apple into a billion dollar technology business and created the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
that was and
still
is a hit that brought the new concept of mobile phones.

In conclusion
, this essay support for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that diligence and perseverance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their desires.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
sayings that have
been proven
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various fields partly confirm this.
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IELTS essay some people delete that success in life depends on that work and determination

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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