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compare the view that letting children choose what they need would make them selfish or not.

compare the view that letting children choose what they need would make them selfish or not. 0pEa1
Firstly, It could result in a society where people will only think of themselves and not care about others. It is important for parents to take care of their children and provide them with good things to make sure they stay healthy such as food and clothes. Parents sometimes think that if they make their own choices they would probably provide themselves with bad things such as drugs and alcohol which could affect both the child and the society. Furthermore, children could be selfish if they choose unnecessary things such as burgers and unhealthy things. However, it will be difficult when the children have grown up and cannot choose things by themselves. In addition there are some people who disagree with this belief. Secondly, some people do believe that children need to get the things they want by themselves which could result in a society where people only think of themselves in a parental way. On the other hand children may find it important that they must have their own rights to choose what they want and it depends on themselves whether it is a good thing or not. Children may demand space and want to try new things and learn their own mistakes without any help. Moreover, it is very important for children to choose things they need if necessary because when they grow up they still need to choose what is right for themselves, as I said it depends on the children's common sense if they want to choose whether they want it or if it is necessary. So it can be said that it is okay for parents to choose healthy things for their children for the reason that they would be provided with good things and make the children grow up to be great adults. However, letting children chooses what they needed for everyday life still matters as if they grow up and they would have to choose it themselves. In conclusion, letting children choose by themselves could make them selfish but on the other hand they could learn a life lesson from their own actions and choices. Yet not letting children choose by themselves will make childrens lack experience and do not know what is good or not for themselves. In my opinion letting children chooses by themselves could teach them what to choose and learn what to choose or not is very important.
Firstly
, It could result in a society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of themselves and not care about others. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for parents to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and provide them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure they stay healthy such as food and clothes. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices they would
probably
provide themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things such as drugs and alcohol which could affect both the child and the society.
Furthermore
,
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children
could be selfish if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
unnecessary things such as burgers and unhealthy things.

However
, it will be difficult when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have grown up and cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
things by themselves. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who disagree with this belief.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do believe that
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children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the things they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
by themselves which could result in a society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of themselves
Consider replacing "in a parental way" with the adverb for "parental"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a parental way
.

On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may find it
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important
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rights to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
and it depends on themselves whether it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing or not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may demand space and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to try new things and learn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
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children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
things they need if necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they grow up they
still
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what is right for themselves, as I said it depends on the children's common sense if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
it or if it is necessary.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can
be said
that it is okay for parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
healthy things for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the reason that they would
be provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up to be great adults.
However
, letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
what they needed for everyday life
still
matters as if they grow
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
it themselves.

In conclusion
, letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
by themselves could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them selfish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
they could learn a life lesson from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
actions and choices.
Yet
not letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
by themselves will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens lack
experience and do not know what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or not for themselves.

In my opinion letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
by themselves could teach them what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
and learn what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
or not is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
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IELTS essay compare the view that letting children choose what they need would make them selfish or not.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
399 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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